Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Mental Health Day for Me

              

Today is one of my infamous "mental health" days off of work.  This is how I use my vacation, amoung other things. I worked until noon yesterday and did warn that a MH day would probably be forthcoming.

Yesterday was the preliminary hearing which was waived for the actual court date in June.  Megan has to pay $75 for a psychological evaluation as to possible alcohol addiction.  I don't believe there is one.  She also has signed up for court ordered driving classes...$325.  She has applied for the ARD (alcohol rehabilition program).  The officer offered probation and classes; no criminal record.  The arrest and sobriety tests were without a kink.  Our police force here is highly trained.  She went to the police station and was finger printed and had mug shots taken which will be returned to her when she successfully completes her probation; which she will.  Her licence will be suspended 60-90 days.  The fines will range between 1,000 to 1,500 dollars.  She will start to work when she gets back from Asia and should have them paid off before school starts.  Besides the outburst on the weekend, I do see some signs of maturity emerging.

Now onto daugther #2...Becky.  This has been bugging me for months now.  I can't stand her boyfriend.  I never met him which is one reason that things are bothering me.  He's in the Ph.D program with her.  Blonde, cute, babyfaced and intelligent.  (I have seen pictures of him.)  I was thrilled at first because she found someone who was goal oriented and a hardworker.  But dang, he is more than weird and has some weird beliefs.  First one....he won't meet parents until he's been dating a girl for 90 days...say what?  He couldn't come here in Jan. with her because it wasn't 90 days yet.  Strike one.  She's not permitted to meet or become friends with any of his friends because when you break up, it's awkward.  Strike two.  He never, ever goes to her house.  She has to go to his when they go out.  Strike three.

The strikes are adding up faster and faster.  Megan and Joey and I were at Chili's yesterday after the hearing.  We discussed this, as Becky tells each of us different tidbits. 

     

I've posted this picture of Becky and Ray before from last summer (pre new BF).  Ray is not her boyfriend although Ray should be.  He adores Becky although Megan says he's not interested anymore...blah...he is.  Ray goes to the same church Becky went to.  She doesn't go now because M is controlling that also.  Ray ran into Megan twice last week and asked about Becky and what Megan's opinion was of M, the BF.  Megan spared nothing.  Ray has some huge concerns also.  LOL...why am I the only one to see that Ray and Becky are meant for each other? He puts a smile on my girl's face like none other.  I've seen him comfort her in church when tears flowed.  Megan and I are getting Becky back into church.  I'm starting this weekend.

So, once again, my daughter is on BF #3 who once again is a control freak; just very educated and good at concealing the fact he is doing it.  He's controlling the amount of time that she is allowed to spend with her own friends and causing alienation.  I hate that.  She's 26 now and a big girl but can't break the cycle of having a controlling father in the house for 15 years.  In essence, I've brought much of this on for staying far too long in that atmosphere.

I'm sure "M" will break her heart and move on.  I hate to say that I hope this happens soon.  Becky is on Blogspot now and just sent me her link.  Ugh...I read it, commented, and my concerns grow stronger.

Never much peace in the valley for mama's.....

  

                     (Thanks, Lisa Jo, for sending me this tag!)

26 comments:

astoriasand said...

Oh dear Chris we never stop worrying about them do we.I can only say I hope she doesn't continue this relationship too,as like you say she will end up being very hurt probably and realise too late mama's are right.It's just not on is it for us to choose ther partners.The more we tell them also I find the less they listen to us.It took my daughter seven yrs to realise I was right about one she had,in th eend the damage had been done.Too late as I say.ell dear I do hope all turns out well before this happens.I havn't seen this pic before and it is so lovely.They look so happy on here the pair of them shame it cannot be.What a bonny girl your daughter is Chris.Try not to worry too much though I know that is easier said than done.I hope thec ourt date goes well in June.Take Care God Bless Kath
Astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

tendernoggle said...

Chris, my daughter is 25 and she too is in a relationship almost identical to your daughter Becky's...and she too has a previous boyfriend that just worships her and makes her laugh like no one else ever has...WHY CAN THEY NOT SEE THIS????? It makes me so mad....I wish I could have my daughter hypnotised! lmao lol lol
Take care and God bless....Pray for mine, as I will pray for yours...maybe that will do it!
love ya,
carlene

siennastarr said...

Lord.. my daughter is in a relatiionship that I wish would end too.  He is a lazy bum who uses her beyond belief.  She is a smart girl, but extremely stupid when it comes to this guy.  Why can't they see what we see?  Well.. why couldn't we see what our mothers saw, when we were younger??  Vicious cycle, eh? lol   Not funny, but it's just so true!  
It's amazing how it's sorta true that "good guys finish last."  Sounds like Ray is a real sweet guy, but Becky doesn't do 'sweet.'  She does controlling.  You are probably right about it stemming from her father.  The thing is Chris.. we, as mothers, can only say and do so much.  We have to let them learn for themselves..just like WE had to do.  Wish it didn't have to be that way.. but, it's as old as time.. :/    

Glad you have a MH day today!  I know how much you needed that!

Love you
Jackie


jeadie05 said...

I hope your daughter sees through this guy soon ,pleased that court case is over ,love Jan xx

sugarsweet056 said...

Don't you sometimes wish WE could pick their boyfriends for them? But we can't. :(
Glad the court date is over. {{ }}
Hugs, Sugar

midwestvintage said...

 Controlling for sure.  Hopefully she will see the light.  It is always difficult watching your children choose their boyfriends, girlfriends.  I was always sure, still am, that I could do a better job and find someone better suited for them.  Sigh, can't do it though.  Take care.

                   Julie

lisa41076 said...

Chris, I hope eventually Becky sees through her boyfriend, he does sound strange !!!!!! Hugs Lisa

my78novata said...

ah Tracy has always gottne control freaks and let them control her this time the boy she is dating is a second chance hewas hers years ago. Now he back. he tried his old STUFF again and boom.......... she set him straight FINALLY she is 26 and getting it. she too had a controling father for the first six years of her life. It never leaves these lttle girls. so far this time she seems to be settting him straigh tnad its making him a better preson. but she really needs to du mp this guy sounds like your girl does. she needs to get reid of him and start with the other guy who is so good to her.

chevyz71gurl74 said...

Oh no Chris...
I see why you would be worried about Becky...
M sounds like he wants to control everything within
the relationship... UGH! I don't think so...I hope Becky stands up for herself and lets him know, he's not her daddy nor will he ever be...therefor he need not bark orders at her... Sorry but this is even pissin me off...lol   Damn men who think they are superior to women ~ this is 2007...women are more independent now than ever... She deserves so much more!
Ray is a total hottie....and sounds so sweet!  I need to get back into church myself =(   I will say a prayer for her!

Hugs,
Terri

jckfrstross said...

i too would be worried about becky and the weirdo boyfriend she needs to get out of that relationship keeping all in prayer

Deb

lanurseprn said...

Wow Becky's boyfriend sounds awful!  It usually takes 3-6 months  for people to see the light. Maybe she will soon. I hope so!  
I'm glad that Megan's issues with the courts are getting sorted out.  What a relief!  
I hope you enjoyed your mental health day. I take lots of those LOL!  That's how I use my vacation too, unfortunately. LOL! Have a good night.
Hugs...Pam xoxoxox

queeniemart said...

Hmm, i am concerned about this boyfriend of Becky's too. What an ass. I am glad you can see right thru him and STOP blaming yourself for the past!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is an adult and will choose men because of other reasons than her terrible example of a dad.
The whole thing with Megan is a money thing for the courts. Total BS. Sigh. I know you will be so glad when it is all over with.
LOVE,lisa jo XOXOXOXOXO

rdautumnsage said...

Glad to hear Megans hearing was at least with reasonable fines and boundaries. As for Becky.....mine just broke up with bf #2 , Her first sounds just like the guy Becky is dating now. I know it's easy to blame ourselves hon!! Yeah, I've traveled that road in my thoughts as well. But if we seriously think on it, we had to go through a series of losers before the gem presented itself to us ourselves. Becky is an intelligent girl with a loving mother and sister worrying over her. She will come to her senses, one can only hope sooner than later. Keeping you in my thoughts!
(Hugs) Indigo

ajquinn354 said...

Oh dear, Becky is indeed with a control, weirdo type guy....know she's an adult, but doesn't she realize that any guy that acts that way now will only get worse.  Really he may be in a PH.D program, but psycologically, he's not what any adult thinking woman should want in her life....hope she see's the light soon. Sounds like Becky is getting her act together, that's good.  Was a hard lesson to learn by, but if it straightens her out, what a good life she could have.

Mom you can't force her to be with Ray, it's something she has to realize on her own, though he sounds like a caring guy.

Hang in there....Arlene (AJ)

helmswondermom said...

I can remember taking MH days once in a while.  They are a neccessity!  Now that I home school, Eler Beth and I just take them together! lol  I think what Megan is having to go through and the money she is having to pay will be an invaluable lesson for her.  As for Becky, oh my goodness, she really doesn't need to be with that guy, does she?  But what can you do?  He sounds like a very, very controlling guy.  How could she stand to let him have that much control over her life?
Lori

penniepooh said...

Chris, I hated hearing this about Becky`s BF. Not good. It sure doesn`t make for a healthy relationship. I hope she gets tired of his nonsense and moves on soon. I hope everything goes well for Megan.
Love you xo
Penny
http://journals.aol.com/penniepooh/pennys-pieces-of-ohio/

http://www.myspace.com/pennysplace2gogh

am4039 said...

sounds like a lot going on with the kids. That boyfriend of your daughters sounds weird weird weird that's for sure. I hope they break up. I'm so sorry about your daughter and her problems with the DUI, but I think this was a big lesson for her. Hopefully she learned from it. Hugs to you.

gehi6 said...

This reminds me of some of the upset Ronda went through afteer Jamal was born and the Sudanese father rejected her.  I was so nervous over every boyfried she took up with, and they were nearly all unreliable untl she met, Chad, her husband.  But she used to get terribly mad at me if I tried to give her advice and said it ws none of my business.  I did say it is if you are having a sexual relatinship because I tought this one boyfriend was stepping out on her.  I said I am tending Jamal and I don't want to see you do a repeat.  She found out he was stepping out on her!  If I hadn't been so worried I would have tried to stuff myself.  Becky sounds like she loves this guy for a lot of reasons, so it is going to take her a while to work through all the good and bad factors.  If he is intelligent he is going to be able to calm her doubts and fears more sikllfully.  He does sound obssessive  My spm-in-law Chad might be considered controlling, but he is a boss and extremely organized.  Fortunately.  Gerry

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

OMG!! 26..that is when I met Mark..and i thought I was so old..and look at me now...everytime someone says they are 26...I always think that is when I gave up life..sure I have my kids...but i still always wonder what if I would have been 26..free for the first time and lived for me...if I ever had to go back...maybe I could just have a fling around the times that I shoud have gotten knocked up...LOL...Will keep her in my prayers!  Hugs,TerryAnn

princesssaurora said...

{{{{ Chris }}}}} Glad things went pretty smooth for Megan!  Yay!  Now, for Becky... I hope you can get her to see the light... that kind of controlling crap isn't anything but BAD NEWS!!!  Ugh... poor you...  Sending prayers....

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

xxroxymamaxx said...

Becky is just gonna have to live and learn as they say.  I'm sorry you're feeling this way about the new boyfriend.  If it is meant to be then it will all work out but if not, she is super smart and she will know.  love ya, Shelly

imgr8phil said...

I hope all goes well in court for her.  As far as mental health days, I took one of those in the past and let my supervisor know about it the day before.  Hope you are havin' a good weekend.

Phil

springangel235 said...

I am glad the court hearing is over for Megan, things are in the works for all to go well for her trip...she has a lot to be thankful for, things could have been worse. Worried about Becky...please keep close tabs on this situation...I know you will.  He has the education, but has weird ways, as you said. I loved the photo...such a pretty daughter you have...I know they are are beautiful, sure they took after you!
Your last remark...about never peace in the valley for mama's, oh sooooooooo true.  Many hugs...and love,
Joyce

jlocorriere05 said...

I'm glad the court thing is over for Megan, I'm sure she's learnt her lesson now. I don't like the sound of Becky's boyfriend, there's definitely something wrong with him. I hope it ends soon and she can find some0one who's a little less controlling. Jeannette xx  

tpiez4me said...

Yuk controlling boyfriends.............not good!!!  Especially when you can't have the same friends....gee what'r they gonna do?  Live in isolation?  I needed a mental health day too....boss is outta town, so in a way I kinda got one!

queenb8261 said...

I hate to say this but Becky's boyrfriends behavior sounds the behavior of a married man (except for the place about meeting at his place. Unless he has a friend in on the deal.)  COULD the dude be married?  As for Megan. Glad she's found out what she has to do. How long is her trip to Asia? Is her license suspended now or does it start when she gets back?
 I cold use a mental health day. Through our health insurance we have these "Health Coaches." The contact you and see if you have any ongoing health problems, if you're treating them and help you with resources. She (an RN) called me on a really bad day yesterday.  She was so alarmed that she insisted I talked to the Behavior Resources worker. Before I know it, they'll be committing me. LOL
 Well the weekend is almost here. The girls are SUPPOSED to go to their Mom's.
I hope you have a good one.
 Love ya, Barb