Sunday, January 28, 2007

Just Another Day

I got this tag made for me by Jenny Sunshine Expressions....  So fitting because it suits me right now to a "T".

I laugh continuously...belly laugh.  I smile and talk to anyone and everyone.  I get along with most anyone and everyone.  People gravitate toward me...Lord only knows why but they do.  And yet, beneath my surface lurks a total whacko, a loon, a completely crazy lady.  Most times this lady is invisible to even myself but every once in a while, the looney lady rears her ugly head.  I am reminded that...yes, I do suffer from chronic depression; not often, but it will never go away.  It will always lurk beneath my exterior.

I've learned to live with the rare times that my depression roars its ugly head.  I still smile when I want to scream.  I still do what I have to do but it's darned rough.

My doctor, who is also my son's doctor, thinks I also have a seasonal disorder thing which appears to get worse as I age...jim dandy.  Throw in nicotine withdrawal, and it makes me one "hot mess."  I'm also spastic right now because in the good old USA it's tax time.  I claim far too many dependents.  Last year I got almost just enough back to pay off a small wage tax that is charged each year in Pa. communities.  This year, I know I will owe.  This just makes me a total basket case.  I'm just waiting on my W-2.  Then it's time to get the bad news and move on plus lower my deductions which will lower my income...grrrr.  Sometimes I wish some fairy godmother would wave that wand over me and drop a load of cash.  Don't we all?

For those that don't read my graphics journal, Megan had cryosurgery; got frozen and the machine crapped out.  She cried; I laughed as the doctor struggled to "defrost" her.  Now, we just both laugh as it's the story of our lives.

Joey is taking welding classes for the Steamfitter's Union.  There will be a test; an interview; and then 20 out of the 200 will be picked for the apprenticeship job.  Lord, that boy needs a break.  He's been going to classes every day in addition to the Saturday class.  Please say a huge prayer for him.  My son is such a hard worker but gets such stage fright during interviews.  He starts a heating and air conditioning class at the community college in a week or so.  His "adopted" parents paid for the class.  That was such a blessing.  This is all tied into the Steamfitter's thing.  I haven't mentioned it because I'm afraid I'll jinx it; superstitious me.

I'm going to have to reapply to keep him on my health insurance again as it was only for two years.  He still is not on his feet and cannot exist without insurance nor can he be on the Pa. waiting list for Cobra insurance for a year.  His meds are far too expensive.

So much is up in the air right now.  I don't like unanswered questions because it will totally bug me.

The snow keeps falling.  The "drears" are so dreary.  I'm making a conscious effort today to clean this house.  I simply never have time during the week.  LOL...I'll get it done and by Wednesday, you'll never be able to tell.  Oh well, enough blah from me.

I'm making a pot of homemade vegetable beef soup.  I'm hoping to at least get the family room and kitchen in order.

Oops, I did my grocery shopping yesterday at Wally World.  They have the turn table thingy for the bags.  I always check to make sure I have them all.  Yesterday I didn't and sure enough I got home missing a bag.  My BF was going after I did so I asked him to pick it up.  I was laughing because I told him to write down what was in the bag...lightbulbs, dog treats, hairspray, body wash but forgot to tell him about the air freshners for the car.  They didn't want to give him the bag because he forgot one thing.  Finally the manager came over and said to give him the darned thing.   I wondered what was taking him so long to drop it off.  Poor Griz was howling for his

Have a wonderful Sunday....actually now that I've vented I think I do feel better.  Love you all!  BTW:  my AOL problems disappeared so I have no idea why the damaged file thing popped up.  I'm not complaining.

Chris  (Thanks, Lisa Jo, for the Hugs graphic!  I'm dreaming of spring flowers.)

Saturday, January 20, 2007


Hello and welcome all!  I just wanted to let you know that I'm alive and well.  Totally frustrated but alive, and not from the cigarettes but none other than....AOL/AOHELL.

I can't remember if it was Wed or Thurs night that I opened my Paint Shop while online.  I tried opening my documents in the Paint Shop and Animation Shop.  They froze, wouldn't open and totally froze my pc.  I had been having problems inserting pics and graphics in e-mail for a few days prior.  So, I did the restart....bah hah.  Guess what...once again I have damaged files in my AOL software.  No biggie, so I thought, because this happened about six months ago.   I had to remove my 9.0, get my cd rom and reinstall.  Didn't lose anything because I only removed the 9.0 but none of the other AOL files.

LOL...of course, it ended up a PIA because I've had my CD rom for 9.0 for years.  I keep it in a zip loc bag on a shelf on the pc desk.  The bag was there but the cd wasn't in it.  Still, I thought not a problem because Joey has dozens of cd's just lying on the shelves.  I figured it was mixed with those.  Nope....can't find the darned thing anywhere.

I wasn't able to get online because AOL wasn't recognizing my DSL.  Somehow, I did manage to get online and contacted tech support because I haven't gone free.  GRRR...the first said they don't send them anymore.  The second I got disconnected from.  Finally, the third tech said it would take 7-10 days to send it, I could get a cd for it at Walmart or he sent me the link to save to my desktop.

I didn't want to remove the 9.0 without being sure I could install it.  God forbid I couldn't get back online until I found a cd.  I went into my programs...lo and behold I can't find AOL 9.0.  I opened the AOL to remove's not there.  All the toolbars, security crap, etc are.  My son thought I was brain dead so he came and looked scratching his head.

I can download the link they sent but if I don't remove the old one, the damaged files will remain.

Long story if I ever have a short story....I haven't restarted my pc since them.  AOL is working fairly well for now but I do have to search for the darned 9.0 and find out where the heck it is so I can remove it.

Cigarette update:  I'm doing well, I think.  I'm down to about six a day.  I've had the same pack since Wed and still have about 7 left.  I'm slowly ridding my amounts of nicotine.  I also really can't stand the taste of them so it won't be long before I just dump em.

If you don't see me around much, it's because I haven't been able to clear up the damaged file thingy.  I need my Becky up here but it's snowing, she's busy, so I may have to bite the bullet and contact the nitwits at AOL again.

Love you all......CHRIS

Monday, January 15, 2007


The skies keep dropping buckets of rain around here.  This has been going on for days on end.  It's warm which is nice but soon will end.  The rain is supposed to change over to snow tonight...grrr.

Smoking I didn't cold turkey it yet.  Emotionally, it's been rough on me lately.  I smoke no more and usually less than half a pack a day.  That is the first step.  I will be smoke free in a month or so.  I have noticed that the smoker's cough I had since my ear infection in the fall has disappeared.  I am starting to sneeze and cough up all the crap that has been sitting in my lungs so there is progress being made.  I think smoking cessation is sort of like dieting...we have to do what works for ourselves.

I do have some problems on weekends controlling the amount of smoking but do not go over my half pack limit.  When I'm working it's far less.  I know the time is coming when I will have to bite the bullet. 

Anyway, my thought for the day, week, whatever is reflected in my tag.  We really must be a friend to ourselves, love ourselves, accept our quirks; we are far from perfect.  Beating ourselves emotionally is totally non-productive.

As many of you know from my tag  journal, I have been trying to get my clothes under small task as I have the smallest room with a ridiculous closet.  It was the baby's room previously...9X10.  The closet is not deep.  ROLF...I have to use those baby hangers because the louevered doors won't shut with full size hangers.  I have two plastic containers of summer clothes.  Only half of my winter clothes are jammed in that closet, and it's not that I have tons of clothes.  That closet is tiny.  I bought this neat wardrobe thingy at Home Depot that is sort of a canvas color and zippers and is on wheels.  It's got all kinds of pockets and things on the side.  Joey is going to put it together in Megan's room today.  After I get the other room totally empty, I want to shampoo the carpet, then wheel the new thingy in there.  I'm just hoping I have enough room to hang the rest of my stuff in it.  Storage in this place is a huge problem.  I've gotten rid of just about all I can so keeping my fingers crossed.

I'm sort of feeling like my strep is coming fault because I didn't take my medication as diligently as I should have.

I have the day off today as it's Martin Luther King, Jr's birthday.  I'm hoping to get the room cleared and shampooed today.

I think I'm back off to bed for an hour or so.  I'm always up at my usual time even on my day's off.

Take care all.....the winter drears will soon be gone....


Sunday, January 7, 2007


Uh hunh...that's me all right just spreading the old sunshine around...NOT.  Right now I'm so blah, miserable and out of control.  I cannot stand not being in control of things.  I haven't failed miserably at this smoking thing but I sure didn't do as well as I wanted this weekend.  I started out well but had far too much free time yesterday and last night.  If I were motivated, I sure could have done some cleaning.

So, I'm at half a pack this weekend.  It's far easier to severely limit cigarette intake at work because I have to physically leave the building.  We have a long weekend next week due to Martin Luther King Day on Monday.  I am biting the bullet and stopping cold turkey.  I am tired of nicotine controlling me.  Of course, this is scaring the crap out of me because I know what I'm going to be like.  I know it takes 3 days for nicotine to clear the body.  Yeah, I know all of this but when those withdrawal symptoms set in, I am more than a mess.  Please continue to throw those prayers my way because prayer does work.  I hate smoking; I hate the taste in my mouth; I am as wobbly as a bowl of jello when it comes to strength in this area.  Nicotine withdrawal also brings my depressive crap out of remission. these are my rants and worries.  I can tackle so many things but I am addicted to a powerful drug.  How in the world did I ever quit cold turkey years ago?  I was in the midst of my worst depression at that time.  Maybe I was so miserable anyway that it didn't matter.

Enough of that...Megan goes back to school today.  I spoke with her advisor who seems very nice but Megan doesn't think he knows what he's talking about.  She is so worried and frustrated.  I would like her to cut her credits to 12 this semester.  She really needs a good semester to lift her self esteem.  Her advisor actually suggested that.  I do feel so bad for her because she really has been trying so hard.  Her advisor did tell me that half the class actually flunked the course she got a "D" in.  She needs to go and see him tomorrow to redo her courses and her schedule.  More prayer requests in that area also.

Time for me to motivate myself and get some work done around this house.

Blessings to all!  CHRIS





Monday, January 1, 2007

A New Year


Wow, can you believe we are already into the seventh year of 2000?  Time just seems to fly by so fast.

Yesterday, my kids and I spent the afternoon at my BF's house with his mom and brother celebrating Christmas since they were all sick last week.  My BF is so domestic and had a ham, turkey, cheesy potatoes, and candied carrots.  His mother is an absolute doll.  She's been battling lymphoma for well over six years but never, ever complains.  I managed to get a picture of them.  His brother is his polar opposite and wasn't as cooperative.


We went to Day's Inn for a couple of hours and a couple of drinks.  Yay, I wasn't sick this year.  I got my party hat and all the New Year doo-dads and got my midnight smooch.  Then we went home, lit his fireplace and watched some movies.

Today was pork and sauerkraut at my mom's house which is a tradition in this neck of the woods.

Now we start a new year with dreams and hopes.  I'm determined to quit smoking.  Cold turkey is not working, and I can't take Wellbutrin because I had a concussion a few years back, and Wellbutrin causes seizures in those who have had concussions.  I need to call Blue Cross to see if they will cover the newest drug for smoking cessation then check with the doctor to see if it will work with my other meds.  I'm buying a patch tomorrow.  Anyway, I've cut the amount of smokes in half today.

No other resolutions but I also plan to eat healthier and get back on track with the sodium I consume and hope to drop about 20 lbs.

Curious me:  What are the food traditions for NY's day for other parts of the country and the UK?

Blessings!   Thanks, Missie, for the siggy!