Melodramatic Mama

           

Before I fuss and moan, I want to wish my oldest daughter, Rebecca Sue, a happy 26th birthday!  Happy Birthday, Becky!!!!!  I didn't forget...you just got lost in the shuffle of a crazy week.

Becky was due on April 8, 1981 but made her debut on March 31st...a 45 minute labor...lol.  I was on bedrest due to toxemia so God made sure she came fast and swift.  I was extremely high risk and a long labor would have been a nightmare.

                

Of course, I had to invade her facebook for a picture.  Don't ask me who this guy is but I know it's not her present BF.  She has tons of guy friends, or at least she did.  The quote is one she has now on her MySpace.  I couldn't find any bees I like so, oh well.  She is going to the museum today to view art...her first love.  She often says she has the soul of an artist living the life of science.  My firstborn and now my friend....

                     

So, what would my life be without some minor frustrations?  I hate to even fuss because so many in JLand are dealing with such major health issues.

From Wednesday evening through last night, I had some major PC issues.  Being a technological guru....NOT...I was stumped and frustrated.  My AOL security center was a mess and not functioning properly.  I removed it and reinstalled it.  MacAfee kept popping up a suspicious file yet none showed up on the virus scan.  So, my security is excellent now but my PC was super slow and acting up.  AOL has an active security monitor when I downloaded and the technical advise was pretty simple to follow.  I'm not sure how all the default settings got screwed up but I did remove the Norton stuff that came with my PC.  Ialso compressed my C drive which took hours even though I run a clean up every couple of days.  My final fix was running Windows PC checkup and virus scan from the live security center.  All is well.  I'm still getting a message from MacAfee but the IT guy at work said if Windows found nothing it has to be a file that appears suspicious but isn't a virus.  So I have to contact Gateway or AOL to finalize this. 

My major concer now is the number of files on this computer.  155,000....oy.  I think Joey downloaded more music and games.  I really need to remove more things.

So, I'm way behind on journals because I didn't dare go online much while running all the numerous fixes.  They were slow enough as it.  But things do appear to be running faster.

Grizzly's bloodwork came back fine so he is taking an extra half a pill in the morning along with the Glucosamine and MSM from GNC.  I can't afford Glycoflex but honestly I think the GNC stuff is working well along with his meds.  He's been flying up and down the stairs again so keeping my fingers crossed that it lasts a while.  His arthritis will be progressive.

I'm off to get my snow tires removed.  I didn't get around to it on Wednesday.  I need my BF to load my other tires in his truck.  He may not want to take the cover off of his truck since it's raining today...grrr.

It seems like spring has sprung here finally. 

              Love this tag!  Thanks to Angel! Country Angels Graphics and Signature Tags

Sunday Evening

                   

LOL...love this tag.  Grizzly is a black and white mixed lab but it so reminds me of his "naughty" days as a pup.  And the eye...Grizzly was always peeping out of one eye to see if he was in trouble.  He didn't eat flowers.  His object of choice was plastic...tupperware bowls, lids, two liter soda bottles, and his dog dishes.  He ate a dog dish along with his food at least once a week until I bought stainless dishes.  He hasn't done this lately but every once in a while, he'll eat a plastic glass but his old stomach can't take it, and he throws up.  My boy is definitely turning into a grumpy old man.  I will get his bloodwork results tomorrow so it's a wait and see thing for now.

Walking...oy...more like him trying to walk me.  He was kicked out of obedience school for misbehaving.  He doesn't know the meaning of the word "heel."  I hesitate on a choke chain but do have a lightweight leash that fits like a choke collar.  He hates it but I may need to train this boy to walk like a gentleman.

Beautiful spring weather in Pa. today.  I hear birds chirping in the morning and actually just saw my first robin.  Buds are forming and there is green on the hillsides.  I'm getting my snow tires removed Wednesday so Murphy's law will mean another dumping of the white stuff...hope not.

I'm still taking Wed. off this week.  I had intended on taking Griz to the vets then.  I also made a hair appt. for that day which took two weeks to get.  I look like a sheep dog.  I simply can't wait two more weeks to get another appt.  I'm hoping it's a nice day so I can clean the yard a bit and the house, of course.

I mentioned in my tag journal that tomorrow (Monday) is Donna's birthday...Donna is our #1 tag/graphic lady in JLand.  Stop by or send her a greeting.  I know she will appreciate it.  Life has been tough for D recently.

This and that, and hockey!

That's about it for now.  My son requested beef stew for dinner again tonight.  Had to laugh at that.  Beef stew on a 70 degree day.  I'm putting a meat loaf in the oven now for him for tomorrow with some Julienne potatoes. 

Blessings & Smiles for the week to come!

Thanks, LJ for this graphic.  Wish I had the patience to figure out how to do something like this.

A long weekend

               

I actually hadn't planned on taking a vacation day today.  I scheduled next Wednesday off to take Grizzly for his liver function.  He started hobbling pretty badly again a couple of days ago so I made a vet's appt. for this morning along with the testing. Of course, the little rascal is moving quite well today and was last night also.  I dread the trip to the vet as Joey is working at the cemetery again so I have to drive the wild man by myself.  He doesn't exactly behave well in the car.  And he's definitely not getting in my new car.

Megan met me for lunch yesterday.  We went to a local place called Max & Erma's.  It's similar to Applebees, Chilis, etc.  Her business fraternity was sponsoring it.  20% of our bill is donated to charity.  I had a wonderful, layered grilled chicken salad.

Megan is doing quite well.  Her grades are definitely improving quite a bit, and she is towing the line.

I've mentioned my mother and I pretty frequently here.  We co-existed for the first 50 years of my life.  She trying to mold me into a clone of herself and myself balking and fighting every step of the way.  I've mentioned that about three years ago, the tide changed.  She mellowed, and I simply did not feel it was necessary to argue anymore with her about our differences.  She is going to be 88 this year.  I was daddy's girl.  My father died 3 months after their 50th anniversary.  It took my mother a few years to deal with this.  She simply chose not to deal at all with me then.  In fact, she was quite "biting" even more so during the ensuing years.

I called my mom hours after Megan's DUI.  I didn't want her to read about it in the local paper.  The shock would have done her in.  My mother is hugely rigid.  Well, she was....

She was hoping I would consult an attorney, which I did, but had absolutely no intention of petitioning her for one cent.  This is Megan's ballgame.  The shocker came the other day.  She told Joey she will pick up the legal fees because Megan will have enough in fines to pay for.  Megan started crying when I told her this yesterday and is insisting that she will pay every cent back to her grandma.  My mother is insisting she won't.

I realize now that even though for years I thought my mother didn't love me or at least not as much as my brother, I was mistaken.  She just couldn't express her feelings.  She was hard on me growing up.  Of course, I was a mouthy kid, even as an adult, because we share practically no views in common.  Now, it doesn't matter.  We still don't think even remotely alike but I no longer feel the need to argue my point.  LOL...somehow, I think this bothers my brother to no end.  He is slowly but surely losing his "status."  I truly believe that when the time comes for my mother to need someone to care for her, she will want me.

Anyway, yesterday was 70 and lovely.  It was good to see Megan.  She will be home soon for Easter break.  Can't believe how fast it's approaching.  We discussed the bedroom situation.  She is moving her furniture back for the summer.  Her single bed (a lovely sleigh bed) is going into my old bedroom.  Some of the furniture she bought this past summer will fit in my old room.  The double bed she has now will go into her room.  Back to my old bedroom I go although I don't have a DISH hooked up in there.

Grizzly is none to happy that he is fasting and cannot have a doggy treat...lol. 

TGIF and BIG HUGS

          

Good Morning

                      

I just had to do a morning entry today.  Lisa Jo always sends me the cutest graphics and many of them are good morning ones.  As most of you know, my morning starts at 4:30 a.m. during the week.  Of course, I have to sign on as soon as I get up but never have time to do much of anything let alone make an entry.  So...whoo hoo, it's still the a.m. and I can say good morning instead of goodnight to all.

My BF and I did go to Day's Inn last night and left about 12:30.  People were getting way too crazy and the alcohol was flowing out of control.  The police were patrolling the parking lot which was a good thing.  I'm betting the police officer I know too well was in one of the cars.

I know I've been getting many comments mentioning Megan's trip to Asia.  I did quite a bit of thinking during the week after the incident.  Megan is 20.  She was not thinking, obviously, and made a terrible mistake but thankfully, no damage was done.  I spoke with an attorney about the case; not because I want Megan to beat any rap.  I think she needs to learn a lesson.  I needed to know what she was facing as far as ramifications from her university, her schooling, etc.  She was always a good kid.  She has worked two and sometimes three jobs.  Management loves her because she is dependable and a hard worker.  Not making excuses one bit for the fact that she got behind the wheel of my car after drinking.  I also needed to know a ballpark figure of the fines she is facing.  She will need to petition the courts for a waiver to drive to and from work this summer when her license is suspended.  I cannot pay her fines; nor would I if I could.  They will set up a payment plan for her.

She will enter a very tough, restrictive probation program for a year.  She will be urine tested, report to a probation officer monthly and take some brutal classes.  She will not be permitted to imbibe whatsoever during that time.  She turns21 in June but that makes no difference.  She has a preliminary hearing in April; a court appearance in May.  She can get a continuance from the courts for the trip because it is school related.

If she tows the line for that year and follows every single rule; not breaking one ever, she will not have a conviction.  The DUI will remain with the State for 7 years.  Should she have a repeat offense or break any of the probation rules...30 days in jail...period.  Then it will turn into a conviction.

She has already paid $4,000 of her own money for this trip and took a loan for the remaining $1,200 plus spending money.  She worked long hours waitressing to get the extra money.

I prayed much over this.  We've all made mistakes...some larger than Megan's; some not remotely as bad.  I'm a firm believer in second chances.  I'm also a firm believer in owning up to the consequences of actions.  Quite frankly, when she returns from Japan and China, she will face the biggest struggle she has ever faced.  I pray that she follows through and comes out a much better person for it.  I also believe things happen for a purpose.  Had she not got caught, she would have continued spiraling out of control.

She has been going to church with her big sister.  The laying of hands in this church is quite powerful.  I've said many times that church is a hospital for sinners; not a shrine for saints.  I'm also planning on attending with them now that the weather will be breaking soon.

Bottom line is Megan was a wonderful kid in high school; went away to college and got into a terrible lifestyle.  My prayers for Megan were answered; not in the way I expected but, nonetheless, taken care of.

Oh, and, by the way, I went to my Verizon store yesterday.  It was a bad battery.  It was replaced free of charge because the phone is less than a year old.  I'm not sure about all Verizon stores but our local is tops in fixing things or replacing at no charge or a $12 tech fee.  I was prepared to argue about buying a $40 battery.  In the end, I didn't have to.

The sun is shining; most of the snow has melted, and I absolutely need to get some cleaning done before I run some errands. 

Blessings to all.....            

               

Top o' the Mornin

                 

Typical St. Patty's Day for this neck of the woods.  What would green beer be without being accompanied by a crap load of snow?  Of course, no one believed it when it was 80 here on Thursday.

Procrastination has just changed from my middle name to my first name.  My mother is always right...grrr.  I get worse as I get older.  I couldn't even make my mind up about which St. Patty's Day graphics to use.  LOL...how sad is that?  I went through old tags, new tags, tags on the web, tags in my group......and still ended up just going and grabbing one from Photobucket because dang, using a new one would mean uploading.  I haven't been in Photobucket all week.  Boy, they changed it.  Flipped me out when I opened it and asked me if I wanted to upgrade.  Moi...upgrade?  I'm not that brave yet.  Oy vey, now I have to change my sidebar again and still can't figure out the hyperlink in there for the life of me.

I've deleted more tags that I started to create this week.  Yuck, I'm in a rut with that also.  Procrastination is seeping into everything.

I think I'm getting old, tired, cranky, and lazy.  I actually worked 80 hrs...whoo hoo.  But darned near wore me out doing it.  My house looks like something blew up in it (along with my chubby body).  Of course, I will procrastinate even more so about tackling the mess.  I swear each time I shovel through the clutter, it won't happen again.  But each night when I get home from work, that big old, comfy couch of mine calls my name loud and clear.  I sure wish I had the money to call the Merry Maids.

                             

Becky IM'd me last night.  It seems her beloved Skittsy Cat is having more kidney problems.  That is her first baby.  She had to spend $400 at the vet's and only has $200 to cover it.  She is going to her dad because I'm drained financially right now.  I did let her know that if she can to get $100 off of him (lot of luck on that one),  I can try to swing the other $100.

My Grizzly was sort of hobbling the other night.  I was super concerned.  Then I picked up his sleeping bag that he loves to clean under it and the stinker was spitting out and hiding his meds again.  I watch him to make sure he swallows it but he is good at keeping it in his mouth until I'm not looking and then hiding them.  He also had a Phenobarb under there.  He needs bloodwork very soon to see if the Rimadyl is affecting his liver functions.  I'm a bit worried because I know they would like to increase the dosage a bit if it's not hurting him physically.

                               

Anyway, there is 8-10 inches of snow on the ground.  Blah, blah, blah.  This time change just screwed me up because it's not nearly spring here so my whole order is knocked out of whack, which doesn't take much.  If it stays light until 7 or so, it should be spring.

And then there are taxes.  They are still in a huge folder waiting to be delivered to my BF.  Yep, I'm procrastinating on this big time because I know I am going to owe.

                              

Megan is still planning her trip to Asia.  She will be able to leave the country since it's school related.  Where she will get spending money, I have no clue.  Which leads me to the fact that I dismantled my bedroom last year and took over hers.  Well, she is coming home this summer so I have to figure something out pretty soon or I'll have no bed.  Yada, yada...one more teensy kink.

                              

I shouldn't complain...keep Sugar, Jeannette, Kim, Krissy and John, Indigo and many others in your thoughts and prayers.

Hopefully, the snow will stop this morning, as they are predicting.  I'm hoping to get out tonight for some St. Patrick's Day celebrations at the Days Inn.  Last week, the amount of alcohol comsumption totally blew my mind in light of Megan's fiasco.  I just cannot believe how much people drink when they are out.  I never seemed to notice.

I'm on my way soon to Verizon.  My cell phone battery is crapping out after it's fully charged with a 5 min. phone call.  It's been getting bad for a month now but getting worse each day.  The phone has a year warranty on it so it is still covered.  I have to take the phone and charger and have the techs check it out.  I've never had a battery go that quickly.  In fact, I've never had a battery go at all.  I keep my phones for at least 2-3 years.  Our local techs are usually pretty generous so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I won't have a battle on my hands.

Hope you all have a wonderful, safe weekend! 

 

 

Letting Go

             

Sheesh, make a wish and letting go....not an easy day for me.  When my children were small, I could kiss the boo-boo and make it all go away. 

Letting our adult children go....I've already let all three of them fly.  Megan was a wonderful teen in high school.  She resisted peer pressure and did her own thing; no drinking; no sex.  She prided herself on having a mind of her own.  She was terrified before she left for college.  She attends an old, prestigious university in Pittsburgh.  It's very hard to get accepted into and costs an arm and a leg.  She graduated in honors classes with a 3.9.  Her biggest fear was that most of the students there are from upper middle class to extremely wealthy families.  Of course, we barely scrape by.  She was afraid of not being accepted.  What I failed to realize is that she would embrace her newfound freedom and run with it...run right into the very things she had avoided proudly in high school.

Letting her leave today was far harder than 2 1/2 years ago.  My mama instincts want to wrap her in a cocoon and hide her away but that's not realistic.  She will be entering the world, once again, where she went totally astray.  There is absolutely nothing I can do but hope and pray that she has learned enough this past week to grow beyond the endless temptations that will be placed in front of her.

I don't mention my workplace much but I will today.  On Friday, I had to take a couple of hours off and felt that I should explain my situation to my boss.  He is a wonderful boss.  I closed the door and talked with him.  He is in his early 60's and has three grown children and several grandchildren.  What I didn't expect was to see an occasional tear being wiped from his eye.  It blew me away.  I never felt such love and caring envelop me from a supervisor in my life.  I still thank the Lord everyday for placing me in this division.

He had received an e-mail from his choir director.  He is very active in his church and has a wonderful voice; sings in the choir...lol..sometimes he breaks out into a song for us during the day; impromptu.

This is what his choir director sent to him and what he gave to me to give to Megan.....

"God isn't as concerned about the "place" you're in right now as much as He is in the faith that is being developed in that place."

Much love........CHRIS

Belated Happy Birthday to my Special "Boy"

              

With all the drama last week, I forgot, well didn't forget, but didn't mention that my special puppy had a birthday on March 6th.  Happy Birthday late to my Grizzly!  He turned 10, even though I keep making him one year older...lol...sorry Griz.

I'm happy to report that Grizzly is doing exceptionally well on the Rimadyl.  Now, if his blood work is ok and it's not affecting his liver, we are home free.  He isn't quite running and jumping as well as a pup but darned near.

My BF was over the other night to fix our ventless heater in the familyroom.  It was dusty and had gone out.  That was the night we had 6 inches of snow and it was soooo cold.  Grizzly always escapes when my BF goes out the door.  I made my BF go get him because it was frigid.  I heard (#$)*@)&($# coming out of my BF's mouth, as he was trying to keep up with my pooch,  muttering that he thought I had said the dog was crippled.  We were howling because Grizzly could not have done that a couple of weeks ago.

Things are much better around here.  I'm not in the mood to rehash today.  Joey and I are off to eat at our favorite Mexican place and grocery shop....ugh.

BIG HUGS....CHRIS

Trust

             

Rebuilding trust is a long, enduring work in progress.  Megan was the child who told a complete story with her eyes and reactions.  Previously....  When did this all change?  I'm not sure but I'm very sure now that I did not pick up on many signals that I should have simply because she was mostly trustworthy.  I always seemed to find out if she had done something and pulled the ropes in tightly. 

I would say when she left home for college is when I started to ignore basic instincts.

I want to thank you for your comments and support.  This issue is a loaded gun because there are those who commented who have lost loved ones to drunk drivers.  For that, my heart breaks, and also for the fact that my daughter could very easily have added another innocent victim(s) to the list.

Ironically, Megan, Joey and I were involved in a terrible car accident about 10 years ago; hit by a drunk driver.  Joey was in the trauma unit for a week.

Megan went out to dinner last night with her bestfriend and the guy whose house they were travelling to after drinking.  She didn't drive last night and had to be home by 9.  She will drive my car to work and back if she works the night shift.  She still has a license until her hearing.

I spoke with several of our local policemen yesterday as I live a stone's throw from the station and know many of them to see them.  They also know both of my vehicles quite well as they sit daily at the salt dome that we travel by.  Most likely the fines will be extremely heavy with a lot of educational classes which Megan will have to pay for.  They will permit a payment plan but one missed payment and off to jail she will go.  Allstate will drop her off of my insurance.  She will need to pick up her own high risk.  She will have a waiver to drive to and from work....period...no deviations.  She will have to behave while on probation which means she best not get caught inebriated anywhere.  She turns 21 in June.

My rules...well, last night, I would not permit her to do anything but go out to eat and come home.  She wanted to go watch movies at the one friend's house.  Nope.  I didn't trust that she wouldn't imbibe.  She also must answer her cell phone when I call...no more ignored voicemail.

She is considering cancelling her college trip to Asia in May to use the money toward fines.  It may be too late if the reservations are made.  She still may not be able to go because in Pa., probation means you can't leave the state without requesting a waiver, which may or may not be granted.  If her hearing is scheduled during her trip, she will have to forego traveling altogether.

So, the process of rebuilding trust is just now beginning.  It's not there at all right now.  She's defensive with me but I've heard her talking to some friends and know that she most definitely realizes what could have happened but didn't.  I hope she never forgets.  I hope she never forgets the feelings she felt while being handcuffed and taken away in a police car being read her rights.  I also hope she realizes that she was one step away from devastating another family or families by causing senseless death; something which she would have to live with the rest of her life knowing that she caused endless heartbreak to others by one stupid act on her part.

Her name will be in our local paper, as they put all those arrested for DUI's in it.  I don't think this will all sink in until the actual hearing.  It's starting to but when the final gavel falls, I hope my daughter will use this as a huge learning lesson in her life.

I also pray that the promises made will be kept but for now the trust will not be given freely; it will have to be earned over time.

HUGS & LOVE to all of you....CHRIS

A Broken Heart

           

At 3:25 a.m. this morning, my heart was literally ripped out of my body.  To clarify, nobody was hurt physically, thank God, but mama has died a million deaths inside since that exact time.

My telephone rang.  My landline, and I just knew what it was before I answered.  It was the Butler Township police.  I knew what would be said before it was.  Somehow I knew that nobody was hurt but the words ripped through my entire being.  Megan was picked up on a DUI; her first night home on break.

Where in the world have I gone wrong?  I've preached and preached until I've been blue in the face with all three of my children about drinking and driving.  I've told them to call me.  I would pick them up with no questions asked; no lectures.  I have a zero tolerance toward DUI's because their dad is an alcoholic and drinking and driving kills.

She was going out to eat close by but ended up on the other side of the county with Joey's work equipment in the car; my old car; but what's the difference?  My car is impounded; Joey will miss a major welding class because we cannot get near the car until 9 this morning.  God only knows what the fine is to pick it up.

There are ramifications; many.  Underage drinking, fake ID, traffic violations, a DUI and fines which I have no idea where the money will come from.  But, the biggest heartbreak is that this actually happened.

My world is just spinning totally out of control.

                                     Chris