I got this tag made for me by Jenny Sunshine Expressions.... So fitting because it suits me right now to a "T".
I laugh continuously...belly laugh. I smile and talk to anyone and everyone. I get along with most anyone and everyone. People gravitate toward me...Lord only knows why but they do. And yet, beneath my surface lurks a total whacko, a loon, a completely crazy lady. Most times this lady is invisible to even myself but every once in a while, the looney lady rears her ugly head. I am reminded that...yes, I do suffer from chronic depression; not often, but it will never go away. It will always lurk beneath my exterior.
I've learned to live with the rare times that my depression roars its ugly head. I still smile when I want to scream. I still do what I have to do but it's darned rough.
My doctor, who is also my son's doctor, thinks I also have a seasonal disorder thing which appears to get worse as I age...jim dandy. Throw in nicotine withdrawal, and it makes me one "hot mess." I'm also spastic right now because in the good old USA it's tax time. I claim far too many dependents. Last year I got almost just enough back to pay off a small wage tax that is charged each year in Pa. communities. This year, I know I will owe. This just makes me a total basket case. I'm just waiting on my W-2. Then it's time to get the bad news and move on plus lower my deductions which will lower my income...grrrr. Sometimes I wish some fairy godmother would wave that wand over me and drop a load of cash. Don't we all?
For those that don't read my graphics journal, Megan had cryosurgery; got frozen and the machine crapped out. She cried; I laughed as the doctor struggled to "defrost" her. Now, we just both laugh as it's the story of our lives.
Joey is taking welding classes for the Steamfitter's Union. There will be a test; an interview; and then 20 out of the 200 will be picked for the apprenticeship job. Lord, that boy needs a break. He's been going to classes every day in addition to the Saturday class. Please say a huge prayer for him. My son is such a hard worker but gets such stage fright during interviews. He starts a heating and air conditioning class at the community college in a week or so. His "adopted" parents paid for the class. That was such a blessing. This is all tied into the Steamfitter's thing. I haven't mentioned it because I'm afraid I'll jinx it; superstitious me.
I'm going to have to reapply to keep him on my health insurance again as it was only for two years. He still is not on his feet and cannot exist without insurance nor can he be on the Pa. waiting list for Cobra insurance for a year. His meds are far too expensive.
So much is up in the air right now. I don't like unanswered questions because it will totally bug me.
The snow keeps falling. The "drears" are so dreary. I'm making a conscious effort today to clean this house. I simply never have time during the week. LOL...I'll get it done and by Wednesday, you'll never be able to tell. Oh well, enough blah from me.
I'm making a pot of homemade vegetable beef soup. I'm hoping to at least get the family room and kitchen in order.
Oops, I did my grocery shopping yesterday at Wally World. They have the turn table thingy for the bags. I always check to make sure I have them all. Yesterday I didn't and sure enough I got home missing a bag. My BF was going after I did so I asked him to pick it up. I was laughing because I told him to write down what was in the bag...lightbulbs, dog treats, hairspray, body wash but forgot to tell him about the air freshners for the car. They didn't want to give him the bag because he forgot one thing. Finally the manager came over and said to give him the darned thing. I wondered what was taking him so long to drop it off. Poor Griz was howling for his treats...lol
Have a wonderful Sunday....actually now that I've vented I think I do feel better. Love you all! BTW: my AOL problems disappeared so I have no idea why the damaged file thing popped up. I'm not complaining.
Chris (Thanks, Lisa Jo, for the Hugs graphic! I'm dreaming of spring flowers.)
24 comments:
Chris, I wish my fairy godmother would drop a load of cash down for me too, lol Saying a prayer for Joey.Your soup sounds delicious, can I come to dinner? Hugs Lisa
Just wanted to wish you a blessed Sunday my friend.
I too suffer from Depression & Seasonal Disorder, not funny huh?
Hugs, Sugar
Good luck to Joey for the interview, I hope he doesn't freeze up! No, I'm not mentioing Megan freezing up either! Fancy them querying your BF cos he forgot one item! Have a good week! Jeannette xx
Good luck to Joey ,hope he keeps his nerve ,hope Megan is fine now ,Isee you are still not smoking well done ..love Jan xx
Hi Chris. Oh boy can I relate about the depression you talked of. Terrible thing, isn't it?
Good luck to your son. My friend used to get over his interview anxiety by thinking it was the only time he really gets to talk about himself! LOL! And it worked!! Tell Joey that.
Have a good Sunday Chris.
Hugs and love to you...Pam
prayers going up for your son Chris! I coming for dinner ...love homemade soup!
love ya,
carlene
I have that awesome Jenny tag too....
you are not crazy....just gorgeous, real, loving and FUNNY. I am sorry there are money worries and things up in the air....i sure know what you mean. I am praying for you, BF and both of your kids. You all deserve a break. Wish i was with you to eat that soup.
i love you,
lisa jo
You have no idea how much I am dreaming of spring also!!! and I hate tax time too; I work in accounting so this whole time from now until April is a nightmare!!! I hope today is a better day for you; I think sometimes we are much too hard on ourselves and that we are always our own worst enemies. I hope you are feeling better about things today.
Maria
Chris,
Hey... I'll be here...holding your hand... okay? {{{{ Chris }}}} You are a wonderful person... it radiates thru...
be well,
Dawn
I have noticed MY SAD seasonal order gets worse with age too. Its good you can get along nad laugh with anyone and I love a good belly laugh
Hi Chris.... I think many of us have a crazy, depressed person sulking just under the surface! The thing is, with your sweet personality and faith in God, you have the strength to move on and overcome the obstacles. I know what you mean about things being up in the air - drives me nuts. Just give me an answer. NOW. We both have our insurance things to get cleared up. I will say a prayer for Joey. He sure could use a break and he seems like the nicest guy! I hope things go smoothly. Mmmm, that homemade soup sounds delicious. :0)
love you xo
penny
Cute tags! You sound just like me...hiding it all under a smile! Aren't taxes fun? Got mine done already...maybe I'll send you some. Cryosurgery? WTF? Just reading the line "struggled to defrost her" sounds hilarious, looking back...lol. Tell Joey good luck w/ the apprenticeship! The snow keeps falling (a little, anyway) here too...I wish April would come already! Have a good week...or try to, anyway!
Annie =)
journals.aol.com/krspkrmmom/nooneshome
I hate tax time as well. My husbands employer does not take any local tax out of his pay due to people working from all over in his company. We always owe big time local. Have a good week.
Missie
Hi hon, remember when I said we had more things in common than we knew.....K, here it goes the depression thing, almost did me in two years ago. Thats why I've been on med. and as of now I'm on the lowest dosage and crossing my fingers my dr. takes me off it Tues. I think he will. So from one friend to another, scream, cry, rant whatever you feel like. I'll still be here to give ya a hug and all the support you need. As far as the seasonal thing. I'm usually good up till the holidays. Then afterwards I have to conciously make myself busy so I don't think on it too much. Your an awesome person, more of a sister to me. I'm here whenever you need. (Hugs) Love Ya Indigo
I love Walmart SuperCenter. We had a bager yesterday. It must be something new. I told my daugher now only if we could drive up. It's to cold to load the groceries. I think you may need some sinshine. That always seems to work with me. (Just a thought) :)
http://journals.aol.com/mrsm711/LatteDah/ Tracy
Chris.. you and I are soul sisters.. I swear we are. So many ways we are alike.. I know that is why we have formed such a tight bond with one another.
I am freaking about taxes too! Even though I have only worked for 1/2 the year, I think I claimed 3 on my taxes. I hope I'm not going to have to pay. Most say I shouldn't have to, because of the not working thing.
I will keep Joey in my prayers.. I do hope he gets a break and gets that job! I know how that goes!
Hang in there Chris..
Love you
Jackie
Depression is a really hard thing to deal with. So many people struggle with that so know that you are not alone. I think most people would understand! I wish Joey luck in his test and interview!
Kara
Well the first half of this post Chris sounds as though you are talking about me myself in every sence of the word.So I know exactly where you are coming from.We have to laugh and be crazy people or otherwise who knows what the outcome would be.I too hate living behind a mask at times but sometimes we have to.Otherwise some folks who are not understanding us call us all doom and gloom.I dislike this but have had it said so many times in the past to me.YES! who would think the crazy Kath could be any other person but what I give out in my journal but I am.The winter weather brings me the complaint SAD too which doesn't help one bit and also the trying to stop smoking,and my family tell me all the time that people are so drawn to me and I am so likable.Why? I cannot understand that myself.I hope things improve for you and the tax thingy sorts itself out .You will feel better venting do it more it does you good.Well Take Care and just think your not alone in this you have a partner right here just like yourself,me Haaaaaaaaaa!! I have always thought there could never be another me but at last I have found one LOL!!! I mean that in the nicest sence.Take Care God Bless.
Astorisand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astorisand/MYSIMPLERHYMES
Hey girl. I've had you on my mind for a couple days now. Just one of those things ya know, someone pops into your mind and stay there. :)
Sounds like you have been busier than a cat covering up poop.
I know what you mean about depression...lingering right beneath the surface. I suffer from it the same way. I need to do an entry. Tom's started his on the job training so Gramma is full time babysitting for 24/7. Last night I couldn't get them to sleep till past 11. You know testing the Gramma waters. Sigh. I'll say a prayer for Joey. I know about that too. A kid needing a break. I'll check out your other journal. Oh...I feel for Megan about the cryosurg. machine crapping out. I don't know ifyou've ever experienced it. I did...years ago. It felt to me like they were freezing clear up to my tonsils. LOLOL
Love ya gal. Take care.
Hugs, Barb
Wow! I think you described me in that first paragraph.
I hope your does well on his welding test and interview and gets the job. My husband is a welder.
Lori
I've heard of seasonal depression and wish you had no depression at all...not a good a good thing. Yep, good ole tax time, gotta love that time of the year...yuck. Praying all goes well for your health insurance reapply...meds are very expensive...just spent a bundle today myself.
We are getting snow tomorrow, lunch time...oh boy...can't wait!
Now, I bet that soup was yummy...just right for a cold winters day. I used one of your awesome tags today in my entry...love your work...hope you have a great rest of the week...hugs and love,
Joyce
Glad your AOL thing is fixed!!!!! Saying a prayer for Joey!!!! http://journals.aol.com/shayshaydc/Golfaholic
Sharon:)
I like the Hugs graphic and I also like the one that says behind my smile are some things you'll never understand. I am ordinarily good natured and optimistic which I credit to my lucky genes since I have always been that way with little effort, but have experienced depression when I had some very depressing stuff to deal with. I have just been reading the memoir of a young wman with a brain abnormality that kept her plagued with constant depression and moodiness. I thought my god, that must be hard to live with when you feel it is within the mind that the trouble is mostly coming from. It must be hard to tell the difference, whether it is coming from the outside or the inside. Since there are worries and circumstances that cause a lot of worry. I remember feeling depressed for the 3 years my sister was terminal with cancer. And almost clinically depressed when I started to talk about stuff I had concealed for many years. Talking about it to others made it more real and therefore more depressing for a while. Do hope your pressent worries subside and Joey does well. Gerry
Hi Chris, yah I want to good fairy to drop off some bags too. So, you son gets nervous during interviews? Reminds me of that Brady Bunch episode where her dad told her to imagine everyone in the audience is naked. Tell him to imagine his Boss as a big jerk. Someone who might give him a 50 cent raise and expect him to work over time with no props. Then tell him, the guy is probably a control freak who only comes off nice because he needs employees cause hes a jerk,lol. If he imagines his future Boss as a jerk and he is so darn lucky to have him, he may not get nervous. And then after he gets hired, imagine his boss as a nice guy,lol. I know this sounds like crazy talk but when I do interview I realize they are so lucky to have me and I dont get nervous BUT then I get hired and I get nervous. So, go figure,lol. ~Raven
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