OK So I'm Bored Silly

So my title says it all....here I am again.  Not that there isn't a million and one things I could be doing.  I just choose not to do them.

My oldest daughter, the computer geek, just called.  Of course, I was going in the "back door" trying to pick her brain about clip art, downloads, etc. without actually letting her know why I wanted it.  So, the kid is tooooo smart.  She asked me why I would need clip art....no reason, I said, except I thought it was cool. The shock reverberated right through our cell phones......Mom, she said, I don't believe it..you're blogging, aren't you?  Of course not, I protested far too strongly.  I mean...sheesh...it's not like I'm hiding bottles of booze around the house or anything. It's only blogging, for heaven's sake.  I assured her it wasn't public....yeah right...because (1) My kids know their lives would be an open book; and (2) I have absolutely zippo, nil, none, no desire for them to have access to my brain....who knows what they would do with that.  They are devious creatures.

Of course, my son knows about it....he lives here but could care less and knows I have no life.  Now, my oldest daughter, the mouth, knows it.  I'm sitting here waiting for my cell phone to ring again. I'm sure she speed-dialed my youngest, the brat, to let her know just what a life I don't have.  And, of course, the brat is the baby like I am in my family and is a chip off the old block. NOSY  She is most likely on AIM right now entering my brain even as I type....I can feel it....God Bless AOL for allowing the ability to access through AIM....Previously I could have never signed off of AOL and kept my journal private....from my three Musketeers anyway.........

I Wanna Be Quirky

I've just been journal hopping again. I decided I want to be quirky.  To be quirky, you surely must be clever.  Now, I'm working on being clever and quirky because I'm thinking I like that style.  I think I want to make people laugh.  I have to think about this for a while.....

Jackie, as in Jackie's Quirky Musings, is my hero....I just stumbled upon it today because she was a guest's choice.....I think I want to be like Jackie...

Here's to ya, Jackie...you are definitely quirky....I like that........plus you take some awesome photos.......

And then there's Rant-O-Rama....love it....totally quirky and visually perfect.........

I've also discovered through journal hopping that there are cliches in J-Land.....I'm shocked...totally....LOL  So, that's how you get to have your journal chosen by a guest editor....hmmmm....just who am I gonna have to kiss up to?  I'm so confused....not really....

And I've been wondering about those counters.....ya know...if you wanted to you could hit your journal say 300 times a day and really pop up those numbers.  I'll bet ya any money my counter's gone up today just because I've been so bored and keep adding entries.  Is there a prize for the most hits?  Just asking.......

And is there an award for the most entries in one day?  It would probably be an award for the one with absolutely no life that day....me.......

I swear I'm done for today....yep, I am...I'll never roll out of bed at 4:30 tomorrow morning, if I don't...I just hope I don't wake up in the middle of the night with some silly thought that I just feel like I have to make...nah....never happen............

Thoughts

Of course, my visuals suck.....I've decided to take a break from trying to wade my way through the world of pictures, clip art and hyperlinks.....LOL....my brain just only take so much frustration.  This is a matter of principle and being stubborn.  I have this computer that can do everything but clean the house and cook dinner and I'm helpless right now.  Yet all this technical crap is driving me up the wall.

Anyway.........I've been finding this journaling to be a little addictive.  I'm still trying to sort in my mind, who is who, and who belongs to what journal.

I'm also noticing that there isn't anyone, male, female, young, old, that has an easy ride in life.  Relationships with spouses, boyfriends, family, etc. seem to be the major issue.  The hardships of life, children, money, health issues, work, are far more easier to deal with when there is someone supportive in your life.

As I said, I lived for 18 years with an abusive alcoholic who made life hell for the kids and me.  I see in many journals where women are living with men who treat them crappy.  Many would ask why they stay and continue to put up with treatment that hurts them beyond tears.  Is it for love?  Probably not.  Love is strangled and dies from lack of care.  My reason was, and I suspect is many womens' reason, is that where do you go when you have children?  How do you support them?  Sure, there's child support but it barely puts food on the table.  Life alone is hard.....more than hard.  Having someone around, anyone, is most times easier than struggling to raise children, while working, while being sole provider, mother and father, etc.  It's draining.  There's the endless homework, chaueffering, getting them off to school, worrying about after school, day care for the young ones. 

My children are now grown but I went through that.  The phone calls at work that I had to come and pick one of my kids up at school because they were sick.  Having to call off because they were sick. Not to mention the snow days when all three would be home.  My oldest was 15 and responsible.  My youngest was 10 and would not listen.  I would come home from work to total chaos.  I ended up putting the youngest in after school programs and summer day care until she was mature enough to follow the rules.

It gets a little better as they grow older.  It gets far better when they finally make it on their own.  One down and two to go.  I'm finally able to go out and enjoy myself without worrying if my house will still be standing when I get home. 

And then there's my boyfriend, who is quite contrite and eating crow, after his blow out last week, especially when he stopped in Sunday and the house was immaculate.  He knew I had only been home for two hours before he got there so the point was proven.  He told me yesterday he learned a valuable lesson.....keep your mouth shut when you really have no idea what you are talking about.  He is my support and my rock, and I'm his.  It took me many years to weed through the toads to come up with the prince.  I had already had a toad in my life.  I would rather be alone, in hindsight, than live with a toad.  But making that decision is far harder than it would seem to be...........

Computer Madness

(Oy vay.......back to the drawing board....it's blank........UGGHHHH) 

Ok, my first attempt at some visuals......

I am hopelss with a computer.  I've come to the conclusion that I need a computer tech to sit here next to me to help me figure out the most elementary computer processes.  I hate that because I get frustrated and want to throw something.  I usually quit if I can't conquer.

Thanks you to Sharon, This Momma's Drama, for sending me the rose (luv ya) and thanks to the mighty heavens that I was able to copy and paste, which is one endeavor I can accomplish.  (ok...forget copy and paste...that was only a temporary fix...I stumbled my way through creating and adding pictures and finally managed to at least have something besides my writing show up.)

No lie......last night I spent at least four to five hours trying to hyperlink a cartoon that someone sent me....how in the world do people do this?  Of course, I could have just copied and pasted it, which, as I've stated, I'm quite proficient at but I wanted to hit with an element of surprise.  It was for a message board.

My oldest daughter lives an hour away but is my computer whiz.  I called her on my cell phone.  She said forget it....she would help me when she comes to visit next Friday....Nice kid...........patience has never been a virtue I possess..........

My boyfriend called and was less than enthusiastic because I was more interested in the computer than him.....too bad....this is my new toy....I just dumped a six year old HP running windows 98 for this E-machine with a gig of memory and XP....see I did learn somethingfrom my child.

I fussed over a computer for at least a month trying to decide what I could get for the best price.  Yeah, I know....OCD kicked in once again.....

I went into AOL help to make a picture into a hyperlink....it may as well have been written in Japanese.....I'm like.......HUNH?

I spent 24 hrs at least fussing because I set an icon on my buddy list.  It shows up only on my buddy list and not the message boards.  I fussed at work.  I picked the IT's brain at work until he finally told me to get lost.  Then the biggest killer of all.....my friend at work, who is computer clueless like me, told me her 76 year old mother is a whiz....can attach zip files, download, add clip art from the web....sheesh....

BTW:  I added the rose because of a tattoo I got when I was 40.  I took my oldest daughter, who was sixteen at the time, to get her belly button pierced and decided what better way to celebrate a new beginning (I had just gotten rid ofmy abusive ex).

Off I go again to try and figure this out.   LOL...lots of luck....it takes me a year and day to figure out how to program my cell phone....I usually let the kids do it.....it takes them five minutes........

 

 

Surviving the Message Boards

Aol provides numerous message boards.  I've frequented many of them.  Some for tips on home repairs....some current news...

I've been on a message board that has lasted well over two years.  The case is long over with.......discussions are mostly now on current topics...Hurricane Katrina, etc. whatever is happening in the news.  Most have traveled this road together the whole time.  It puts me in mind of Survivor on tv.  Alliances have been formed, tricks have been played, numerous SN's created by the same individual.  The characters on the board are sometimes more interesting than the actual topic.

I've met and retained some very close friends from this board...we are all female but that is where the road forks....we are from all over the U.S., all ages, some married, some divorced, grown children, small children, and all different ethnic persuasions.  We have learned so much from each other.  Overall, it's been an extremely positive experience until today.

I was home sick...again...and decided to check out the board.  There has been some debate about a certain poster who may be using multiple SN's....no biggie....life is far too short to lose sleep over something this silly.  I made some inane comment and Jaws came rising out of the ocean and tried to eat me alive.

I was called every name in the book, including white racist, which cuts me deep into my inner being.  I do not live my life hating anyone or anything and certainly don't judge anyone for any reason.

This person has never actually been on this board, except on a couple occasions because of a friend who happens to be a regular.  I should have left it go but something deep inside made me respond, which only infuriated this poster more.  It was ugly. I only made a couple of responses because I don't deal with ugly.

The aftermath is calm now since all the body parts have been swept away...no one was immune to the madness.

What have I learned....there is no dealing with an anger that penetrates one so deeply that they cannot stop themselves from digging themselves in so deep that the word insanity comes to mind.  What caused that anger...it's anyone's guess.  It's probably been brewing for a long time.  It certainly didn't come from anything I said.  It just exists......and rears its ugly head.....

The Game of Tag...Continued

I have been looking at other journals, and I found this game of tag that I would be fun to get to know people.  Please feel free to use it also.  Thank you to the journal that had it on there. 

I am also copying this off of Katie and passing it along.............Thanks to whoever started it..........

I AM: Chris

*I WANT:   To remain positive and upbeat.....to face each day as a challenge instead of an obstacle.......

*I HAVE:  3 children:  Rebecca, 24,  working and living on her own, pursuing a Phd in infectious disease and genetics at Pitt;  Joe, 22, still struggling to find his niche; and my ball of fire "baby:, Megan, 19, at Duquesne Univ. pursuing a degree in accounting; a totally deadbeat ex-husband; a cat, Mocha; a dog, Grizzly; and my longtime boyfriend, who is my soulmate albeit a few stones in our road, but my bestfriend and love of my life.

*I WISH: I would quit "yo-yoing" on the 15 lbs I put on last winter and buckle down and just lose it and keep it off already.

*I HATE:  I don't hate.....I seriously dislike but don't hate.....hate drains the soul.

*I MISS: My father, who died in 1994.....I was his princess and only daughter.  He showered me with unconditional love.....he also showered my children in the same way.  We all dearly miss him..........

*I FEAR:  Not having money in my savings account for emergencies.....obsessively.

*I HEAR: The Pussy Cat Dolls.....I can hear this.....also....OutKast, The Way you Move....

*I WONDER: If I will ever reach the level of financial security that I had pre-divorce.

*I LOVE: My family and boyfriend..........and myself............most importantly, myself....as it is impossible to love others if you don't love yourself, imperfections and all.........

*I ALWAYS: talk to myself, either outloud when no one is home or in my head when people are around.

*I AM NOT: Mean, vicious or fake.

*I AM NOT ALWAYS: calm and collected.  I tend to get really worked up. Me too...only about the most minute things.  My kids call me OCD'ing.  A major crisis I can handle like a trooper....little aggravations drive me totally crazy.

*I NEED: reciprocated love and respect.  Nothing more; nothing less.  I've reached the point in my life where I simply will not compromise on this.

*I SHOULD: avoid the sun as I have always been a sun lover....LOL...I think I have a sun addiction.  And number one.........STOP SMOKING....I'm still working on this..........

Do You Want to be a Millionaire?

Powerball fever has reached Pa. $250 some million and it's not until tomorrow night.  Everybody is lining up for their big chance to end the grueling life of too much work and not enough play.

Of course, it was the topic of conversation today at work, along with the Steeler game last night.  I had to think about this a little bit.  Say I bought a ticket and was a single winner.  What in the world would I do with $250 million dollars?  It would upset my entire universe.  Now, don't get me wrong, I would love to win a million or two.  But....$250 million....I'm not so sure about that.

How in the world would this affect my children?  What possible goals would they strive to obtain?  They would certainly never need to work another day in their lives......and then what?  How many "things" can you buy?

I watched a show on Discovery about mega million dollar lottery winners a while ago.  The one guy won well over $100 million.  He collected $75,000 in interest daily on it.  He had every toy, art pieces, homes, boats, cars, etc. that one could imagine.  If he spent $200,000 one day on some new toy, he would just wait 3 or 4 days before he purchased anything else so the money would build back up again.

I'm not sure I would be one bit happy.  Overkill, overexcessive....these are two words that come to mind in relation to mega bucks.

I would love to win money....enough money to buy a new house; a new, dependable car; pay off my childrens' college educations; hire a maid (Most Definitely hire a maid); and, invest in a comfortable retirement.  Beyond that, I can't even fathom that amount of money.

LOL.....I don't think this is anything I have to worry about.  I haven't even bought a ticket because I have, in the past, and usually don't even have one number.  Basically, I have donated to the winner(s).   I don't plan to buy one this time but then again.........................