Sunday, October 16, 2005


Of course, my visuals suck.....I've decided to take a break from trying to wade my way through the world of pictures, clip art and brain just only take so much frustration.  This is a matter of principle and being stubborn.  I have this computer that can do everything but clean the house and cook dinner and I'm helpless right now.  Yet all this technical crap is driving me up the wall.

Anyway.........I've been finding this journaling to be a little addictive.  I'm still trying to sort in my mind, who is who, and who belongs to what journal.

I'm also noticing that there isn't anyone, male, female, young, old, that has an easy ride in life.  Relationships with spouses, boyfriends, family, etc. seem to be the major issue.  The hardships of life, children, money, health issues, work, are far more easier to deal with when there is someone supportive in your life.

As I said, I lived for 18 years with an abusive alcoholic who made life hell for the kids and me.  I see in many journals where women are living with men who treat them crappy.  Many would ask why they stay and continue to put up with treatment that hurts them beyond tears.  Is it for love?  Probably not.  Love is strangled and dies from lack of care.  My reason was, and I suspect is many womens' reason, is that where do you go when you have children?  How do you support them?  Sure, there's child support but it barely puts food on the table.  Life alone is hard.....more than hard.  Having someone around, anyone, is most times easier than struggling to raise children, while working, while being sole provider, mother and father, etc.  It's draining.  There's the endless homework, chaueffering, getting them off to school, worrying about after school, day care for the young ones. 

My children are now grown but I went through that.  The phone calls at work that I had to come and pick one of my kids up at school because they were sick.  Having to call off because they were sick. Not to mention the snow days when all three would be home.  My oldest was 15 and responsible.  My youngest was 10 and would not listen.  I would come home from work to total chaos.  I ended up putting the youngest in after school programs and summer day care until she was mature enough to follow the rules.

It gets a little better as they grow older.  It gets far better when they finally make it on their own.  One down and two to go.  I'm finally able to go out and enjoy myself without worrying if my house will still be standing when I get home. 

And then there's my boyfriend, who is quite contrite and eating crow, after his blow out last week, especially when he stopped in Sunday and the house was immaculate.  He knew I had only been home for two hours before he got there so the point was proven.  He told me yesterday he learned a valuable lesson.....keep your mouth shut when you really have no idea what you are talking about.  He is my support and my rock, and I'm his.  It took me many years to weed through the toads to come up with the prince.  I had already had a toad in my life.  I would rather be alone, in hindsight, than live with a toad.  But making that decision is far harder than it would seem to be...........


thisismis72 said...

yes it is.

pudge450 said...

Hi, I just found your journal and was reading old posts.   You used an expression in this post which I have seen in at least one other journal.  It made start to think how different expressions are in different parts of the country.  I am in the deep South (Katrina land) and I gather that you are in Pennsylvania.

You used the expression "Having to call off because they were sick".  In the South, we would say "Having to call in because they were sick".  I'm not sure why we say it that way.  I guess it means we have to call "in" to work to report that we will be "off".  

The first time I read the expression "call off" I had to think about that for a while to understand what it meant.  Of course, if someone told you they had to "call in" you would probably be baffled.  

I agree with you.... "alone" is better than toads.