Saturday, October 29, 2005

Reflections

I want to thank you all for your wonderful comments.  It wasn't so much that I was worried or that I didn't expect this time to  come.  Well, I am a bit worried because she has celiac disease (can't eat any wheat or grain because it attacks and destroys the small bowel, which in turn, causes no vitamins to be absorbed).  She has Hashimoto's disease (love that name) which is an underactive thyroid because of the celiac and the beginning of osteoporosis because of the lack of calcium absorption.  She is constantly getting blood work and testing.  My worry is that I don't think they want her on birth control right now until she gets her health problems under control.  If she does not consume anything with wheat, barley, rye, oats, the bowel will heal itself and things will get back to normal; except the thyroid which was destroyed.  I'm taking her to the gyne next week but first I am waiting for a call from the endocrinologist (the thyroid specialist) to see if she should be on the pill.

My youngest daughter has my personality.  My 24 year old....nada.  She was always closed and guarded and could lie like a rug with a straight face.  It worried me.  She majored in biology/pre med, super brain, graduated magna cum laude and is working at Pitt and pursuing her Ph.d in infectious disease.  She came to me at the beginning of her sophomore year of college and asked me what it meant if she had just spotted for two periods.  Sheesh....what was her major again?  I bought a pregnancy test; luckily, she wasn't pregnant but I told her she best get her butt on the pill.  She didn't and it happened again.  Unbelievable!  So, I dragged her butt to the clinic at her college and made sure she got on the pill.

From the time my kids were babies, we had an open door communication.  No judgments....just tell me first before I hear it from somewhere else.  No screaming; no punishments if they came to me.  I always told them they could say whatever they wanted no matter how angry they were at me...just say it respectfully.  I never cut them off....let them vent...but sent them away for a while to calm down before we would discuss it.  LOL..I didn't come by this on my own.  I worked with an "older" momma of five at the time who gave me this wise advice.  Now, I'm the "older" momma.  It works to a certain extent.  My oldest was definitely the most challenging.  LOL...she didn't start to "love" me until she was around 20.

Now, the funny thing is, Megan, my youngest, tells Becky, my oldest everything.  Becky flips out.  She's taking on a motherly role.  She will call me and tell me I need to do something about "my daughter."

And, I do pry....all Momma's pry.  That just our nature.  In fact, you almost have to crawl into those brains of theirs to figure out the next move.

My best advice to Momma's and Papa's of those "deadly" teenaged girls is let them vent....just set the guidelines for venting.  Don't get into an argument in the heat of the moment.  Let them bang that bedroom door for the millionth time.  Once they've calmed down, let them tell you what's bothering them.  If they start the dissing...cut it off until they can speak appropriately. (This also applies to us....no nasty, ugly comments. Teens deserve respect also.)  And let them finish without interrupting. They really do want to tell you but emotions get in the way and our interruptions in their venting frustrate them.  So, open that door to venting respectfully.  You'll be surprised at how well this works and how much change can take place in communication.  And how fast they will let you know what the problem is if they feel they can tell you without us flipping out.

It works but it takes the patience of a saint. 

3 comments:

thisismis72 said...

patience of a saint is what I aint got....
Missy

kdcutie26 said...

Hi Chris.  This is very good advice, and I am happy that you have put it in here.  I really need to hear it because I am going to have babies soon.  Within the next couple of years and raising teenagers scares me because of all the problems of my sister.
Katie

sherilynjaz said...

May we all do as good a job as you.
S-