Saturday, October 8, 2005

Camp Menopause

A "friend" recently bestowed the dubious title of director of Camp Menopause on me and sent me has been impossible for me to change the size of the font...I think there must be a reason for this....perhaps she thought I needed large font to read it?  For those of us who are nearing or entering this phase of our lives or already there, many of these Barbies are applicable.  I feared turning 50 but not as much as I feared 40.  Actually, the decade of my forties was a wonderful period of time.  I haven't aged as much as some.  I attribute that to good genes.  My mother is 86 but no one would believe it.  She puts 70 year olds to shame...LOL  My problem is, if you want to call it a problem, is that I don't feel like I'm 50.  I don't even feel like I'm 40.  I love to have fun, laugh, joke...laughter is an age reducing anticdote (SP).  The ability to laugh at and with yourself reduces stress, which, in turn, I believe, severely halts the aging process.  So, embrace each decade as you reach it.  Age sure isn't as bad as some like to think.
  Finally a Barbie I can relate to. At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and our aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic... 
1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain, and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with handheld fan and tiny tissues.

3.. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror. 

 4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new,roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, two-MuMus with tummy-support panels are included.                                                                         

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules. 
6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive  age-blasting cosmetics.                       

 7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.                           

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change,  and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."                        

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for$ 199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously.. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke. 
11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.   


1 comment:

kendra122762 said...

OMG!! That was totally frickin' hilarious!! roflmao!! I was reading this one to my man and we was crackin' up!! Very funny entry Rosie! Loved it! *Kendra*:)