Monday, October 24, 2005

Tears

Today has been a totally different day from what I had planned.  Of course, I'm celebrating my new found talent but as I read journals, I find that some just are far too powerful to absorb.

I can feel other's pain.  I want to help because I know that pain far too well.  I've lived it, experienced it and didn't know what the hell to do about it.  I never realized how close the pain is to the surface of my brain until I live it through someone else's words.  Then it all comes back......my ugly life from long ago.  I've come so far but yet I never realized how memories can flood right back in.  Those memories of me feeling worthless and useless because that's what I was being told day after day after day.  The problem is I want to help and can't.  I want to reach out and give a hug but can't.

Everything comes in its own time.  Sometimes the noose around the neck almost has to strangle before the rope gets cut.  But it does get cut and then there is freedom and peace and quiet and a whole bunch of different struggles but that I can live with....the ugliness I couldn't and didn't realize it until it was over................

3 comments:

thisismis72 said...

I do feel like cutting something off but it's not a noose I wanna cut. lol.
it can only get better.......Right????????

love the graphix you can add to your journal now.
it's fun isn't it?

Missy

bignewmanut said...

Hey be nice Missy! I think everyone has pain in thier life but its the abillity to express it to others and get it off our chest that helps get past it. To hear others  stories and know that your not the only one helps me.

kdcutie26 said...

I know how you feel about journals being hard to asorb.  I feel you there hunny.  I hope you feel better.
-Katie