Sunday, October 9, 2005

Emotional Trainwreck

Sometimes the train runs right off the tracks for reasons that could have been prevented and sometimes because of some minute thing that was overlooked.

Sometimes the reason behind one's anger is so off base that one should learn to stifle some comments.  My boyfriend is not one to do that.  Will he continue to be my boyfriend after all these years....I don't know.  Things were said and words cannot be taken back.

When he was waiting in my driveway yesterday, he happened to walk into my house.  I had flu-like symptoms for over a week and was flat on my back for most of it, except when I struggled through a day of work.  Unfortunately, the maid doesn't show up when I'm ill.

After he kept calling me about nonsense last night...he finally blurted out why he was angry.  He walked into my house and was totally appalled that it looked like a hurricane just might have hit.  Was he blowing it out of doubt.  He lives alone in a one bedroom apartment.  How messy can it get?  On the other hand, I have a slob for a son living here who will not lift a finger.  I don't have the time nor the energy to fuss with him.  Working four 10 hour days is a killer.  On my Wed. day off, I plan doctor's, dentist, vet appointments.  It totally kills my cleaning schedule not to mention being ill for so long.

He was comparing my new home to my house that I left.  That house was deplorable, mainly because of the alcoholism in the family plus the ex was a packrat.  Alcohol impairs one's ability to keep up with necessary repairs, etc.  My home now can be immaculate, downstairs anyway, with 3-4 hours of work.  My old home could have had 24 hours of solid cleaning and still looked like nothing had been done.

Comparing this house to my old one was the straw that broke this camel's back.  I was crushed at first....devastated.  Sometime during the night, the anger set in.  Anger can be a good emotion at times.  It is far better than crawling in a hole and dying from grief.

He called very early this morning to test the waters....he flubbed up big time and knows it.  I don't deal well with some high and mighty judgments being thrown my way by one who has no conception of what my life is like daily.

My boyfriend is anally, compulsively neat....I struggle with 7 rooms and two bathrooms.  You want to shoot me with a cannon because of that, so be it...just be prepared for the carnage that is caused.


1 comment:

kendra122762 said...

I have to say that I agree with you on this issue. Just hang in there girl! *kendra*