Saturday, April 21, 2007

JMO

              

This will be a different type of entry today, well maybe; maybe not.

Alec Baldwin.....I've heard that video/tape/voice whatever so many times.  Each time it makes me physically ill because I've heard that voice and tone of voice in my past directed toward my three children.  The voice was my ex's.  Some of the media just makes me want to reach through the tv and grab them.  I don't think many realize just how damaging anger, words and tones of voices are when directed toward children. 

Children are brought into this world as a gift.  They are to be loved and nutured.  Words frighten them beyond belief.  I've seen first hand how words damage children.  All three of mine have had to fight their way back to learning that they are worthy.  It's extremely difficult to repair a severely damaged self esteem. 

I will relate a story that I may have told before.  At one time Becky and Joey shared a room when they were around 4 & 6.  My MIL gave them old neckties, belts, scarves, etc for dress up.  They had an odd habit.  Becky would tie all these things together into about a 25 ft. rope-like thing and attach it to her Smurf baby buggy's handle.  I would remove it and throw it away because I was afraid they would strangle themselves.  I got rid of all that stuff.  Next all the shoe laces were gone from the shoes and attached in a rope to the buggy's handle.  Dang, what was wrong with her?  I removed that and threw it away.  Next came sheets tied together and attached.  The buggy was always near one of the two windows. 

Years later the mystery was solved and what I found out made me puke, literally.  Throw up from shame and heartache.  They were absolutely terrified beyond belief of their father's vicious tirades.  They feared he would kill them after they went to bed.  Things were tied to the buggy and kept by the window for escape. Dear God...escape.  I cry now when I think of those two babies feeling the fear and need at that age to have an escape plan.  And now, years later, they both struggle with feelings of unworthiness.

So, if Kim Basinger released that tape, there will be no criticism from me.  I know she has been no saint in the mudslinging but a mother needs to do whatever she can to protect her children from fear and violence.  I do believe Ireland fears her dad.  If any of us think this is a one time incident, then you haven't lived the life of domestic abuse, and verbal abuse is a predecessor to physical abuse.  The final straw of my verbal abuse....a knife to my neck.

                                     CHRIS

27 comments:

jckfrstross said...

i agree Alec Baldwin is a idiot. and he should have no contact at all with the little girl. he will only get worse with the insults. i am sorry about what your kids had to live through but they will survive. David had a stepdad who told him he would be better off if he put a bullet in his head. i hate that man for what he did to my DH. no one should have to deal with abuse no one. enjoy your weekend

Deb

my78novata said...

I have been there too. I totally agree with what she did. My ex husband left me with a six year old nad three months pg for what he had a few months ealier told me was the revolving door. I can see how it scarred the oldest seeing mental phyiscal and the sexual abuse of me. Im sure she did not see the sexual but IM sure kids know!!!!! they just do. the fact that he had a thing for young girls!!!!! Things I could never proove because he always made me THINK I was crazy and seeing tihngs. I have dealt with things like this with the girls too.

lisa41076 said...

Awwwwwwwww Chris, I have been there too, my dad was verbally abusive to me as a child as well as using a wire coat hanger on me too, I am glad Kim released that tape , I hope Alec never gets any work again, I am so sorry you were verbally abused too, (((((((((((( Chris )))))))))))))))) Love and Hugs Lisa

jeadie05 said...

Yes Chris this entry is different ,it must have cost you some heartbreak to write it down after all these years ,you never forget though do you ?Bless you all ...love Jan xx

pippa1116 said...

the bruises go away but the words never do.  I am glad it was released and that human services is looking into the issue. Time for alec to get some therapy....

lanurseprn said...

I know this was hard for you to write.  There are a lot of fears that children have, but don't forget that they also had YOU.  And you are the one who has been there for them.  You were their security.  And you did the job well.  The evidence is in the type of people they have become.  
That tape of Baldwin made me sick. I can't imagine hearing that from my Dad at any age.  I feel bad for the little girl because no matter what he says now, it will never take away the echoes of those words we all heard.
Love to you Chris,
Pam

dwhee70041 said...

Chris,

Thanks for sharing.  They have grown into wonderful adults....thanks to their mother.

David

chevyz71gurl74 said...

(((((((((((Chris))))))))))))

I know that was so very hard for you to write Chris...but it just may help others in reading it!!!  Big Hugs!
Love ya,
Terri

pharmolo said...

A different story indeed, Chris. Well done in writing it down.

springangel235 said...

There was no excuse for Alec Baldwin's remarks...none...and your such a good Mom, we all see this..there are lessons to be learned from your entry.  Children are a gift...and your words are well spoken...many hugs and love,
Joyce

midwestvintage said...

His words echoed like ghosts from my past of a father much feared.  And with good reason.  45 years laters it can still make me feel a chill down my spine.


                                  Julie

xxroxymamaxx said...

Wow, I didn't about this.  Hope you have a great weeked Chris!  love, Shelly

chat2missie said...

I've heard the tape also.  It's sickening.  This is his child, not a business relationship.  I would never let her see him again.
Missie

helloimkara said...

I never did hear those tapes and Im not sure I want to but I coudln't agree more with you and that words hurt the worst!!!!

Kara

queenb8261 said...

I feel ya Chris. I heard it from my  Dad most of my youth. Nothing like being scared when you hear the front door open and it's him. You wrote a wonderful entry and I cried when I read it. I know with your love, your kids are gonna be just fine. Love ya lots kid, Barb

queeniemart said...

You know i am going to tell you to NOT blame yourself.....you are a fantastic mom....your ex husband needs his ass kicked. I know this entry took alot out of you.
When i heard Alec i almost puked. Been there, done that and heard those words and that tone, even just this week from my dad. When does it ever stop? Your kids are fighters like you and strong wonderful people and i know they will not only survive but thrive!
i love you
lj

firestormkids04 said...

I just cried. You are not to blame - even if you feel that way.  I'm praying for you.  Love and many blessings, Penny  http://journals.aol.com/firestormkids04/FromHeretoThere
http://journals.aol.com/firestormkids04/TimeforaLittlePoetry

siennastarr said...

I get sick inside too, when I hear those horrible words spewing form Alex Baldwin's mouth!  I don't think it's an isolated event either!  I understand that he is probably getting crap from Kim, and who knows.. maybe Kim is badmouthing him to Ireland, and that is keeping her from wanting to talk to him.  No one really knows.  BUT.. he still has no right to talk to his daughter that way!  Regardless of why she does not respond to his calls is neither here, nor there.  The verbal abuse that he slings at her is just horrible, and will affect this child for a long time.

The story you told about your kids made me cry, Chris.  My kids didn't have their father around, which was very hurtful to them.. but he never spoke to them in that way, nor were they afraid of him.  

I hope things are going okay with you, my friend.  I worry about you..

Hugs and love
Jackie

rdautumnsage said...

As hard as it was to write this, it was indeed a very brave and courageous entry. It takes alot out of us with each telling of the story.......but in the end it gives others courage and wisdom and heals. No the wounds won't ever fully heal, the scars constantly get scraped raw, but the freedom in the telling says it all. My daughters father has never been physically abusive, but the scars his words leave her with will never fade. All we can do dear one is love our children unconditionally and know we are the reason they are growing to be wonderful adults. (Hugs) Indigo

cgtperkins said...

Bless you, I know this was hard for you. You cant fix or change the past, but you can do what ever is necessary to improve the future!!
Hugs
Carrie

astoriasand said...

I am in favour and support of every word you write here Chris.Sorry my comment is late I have been away from home all day Sunday and only just catching up on the mound of alerts I have to follow.I have a very close relation who's  children are destroyed if I may put it that way, by the same  things you have mentioned here which was happening to them.It destroyed me at the time too not just the children being as I was close to this person.Thanx for sharing this view.You are an Angel Of Mercy.Take Care God Bless.(Kath)
Astoriasand http://journals.aol.co.uk/astoriasand/MYSIMPLERHYMES

imgr8phil said...

It is very unfortunate when parents do things like that to their children and don't realize that they should be the mature people in their lives.  These kids have this example and I hope they do not end up doing the same sorts of things.  Take care and have a good week.

Phil

penniepooh said...

Hi Chris,
You`ve lived through it, so I know stories like this in the news must really hit home. I`m so grateful that you were able to get out of a terrible situation. That was really an intense story about Becky and Joey and their escape plan. Thank God all of you got through it.
Love ya xo
Penny

gehi6 said...

Oh boy, I thought what Alec Baldwin was saying to his daughter was inexcusable, verbal abuse.  Kim Basinger may have thought that was the only way to try to stop him, let the world hear how he talks to his daughter.  The story you told about your kids is heart wrenching, preparing their escape if their father came to attack them in their beds.  I developed a phobia about fire because of my dad's smoking while drunk, but he was never abusive enoug for me to fear he might attack, but his anger felt abusive when he would raise his voice over the smallest thing.  Then there is always the fear accompaning trying to get away from an abuser like my first husband.  I always feared this could not be accomplished without too much risk. I felt I had to prepare my escape for years, which ws finally to move far away and take the car and give him the trailer. It worked  Gerry  

xomywayox said...

Hello Chris

I can see why and knew that this story would ring a bad cord with you. But that is not your life now. Ya-Ya!!!

As for Mr. Dickwin....this is not his first offense....we know that. But now the cat is out of the bag, and his daddy days are number.


Ciao Bella....Brenda

princesssaurora said...

OMG.... I got chills reading this, Chris... oh prayers for you all..... lots of prayers...

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

tpiez4me said...

BRAVO!!!!!!!!  Those poor kids were just doing the only thing they knew how.  And ditto for me a knife to the neck.....cruel heartless bastards they are.  My X is dead....at least he won't bother me again or my daughter.