Turning Point

         

As I was journal surfing this morning, I visited D's This and that, and hockey! and was intrigued by her entry which was inspired by Bea Wanderer.  I snagged a tag from D which I waivered as to which to use at the top.  Of course, I love D's far better than my own but the words on the top one fit the first part of my entry (lol..if you can read the bottom part).   One defining turning point in our lives.  I pondered this for quite a while.

Of course, my children were an enormous turning point but not exactly what came to mind almost immediately.

I was always passive; lived in fear of change.  Marrying and starting a family was huge for me.  I wavered in and out of depression and anxiety.  By the time Megan was born, I was well on the road to recovery from this.  What I was not on the road to recovery yet was my dependence on staying in my house and living the life of a victim of domestic abuse; not to mention verbal abuse of my children.  I lacked the courage to forge on my own.  The financial aspect scared me to death.  How would I live?

Turning 40....wow, should have been traumatic but was the beginning of the butterfly spreading it wings.  Hence, the tag at the top.  I was in the middle of my life (I hope, anyway).  I weighed 212 lbs at that time.  My ex tormented me to death about that with ugly words and tearing the house to pieces due to his alcohlism.  Age 40 again, I slowly shed 60 lbs.  With each pound I lost, I became empowered against the "little man" who terrorized my life.  It bothered him so much that the abuse got worse.

My defining moment should have been a moment of terror....he put a knife to my neck one evening for spilling crumbs in the drawer.  Little did I realize at that moment, my life would change drastically by that one motion.  FREEDOM......I got a PFA and had him out of the house the next day; something I had tried to do for years but he wouldn't leave of his own accord.

How do you even begin to imagine the quiet that enveloped our house?  It was totally odd and unnerving for a few weeks but wonderful.  The kids and I still jumped for a while when we made noise as we expected the hand to come flying or some object.

My court experience was smooth and the child support was enormous for a year because of his foolishness.

I look back at who Chris was before that incident; certainly not recognizable to the Chris today.  My dear father has already passed away so Chris was on her own, basically.

Yep, money has been terribly short for many years.  Many years my children did without the conventional Christmas with tons of gifts but there was tons of love flowing.  We learned to laugh together without fear.  Fear is a terrible thing to live with and be surrounded with.  My children learned the value of a dollar.  We didn't have "grandpa" to go crying to for the things we wanted but didn't necessarily need.  We learned to grocery shop and buy what we needed which is far different than what we wanted.  There were and are still times when the trash bags, etc. go on hold until payday.  Please don't think I'm asking for pity...no way.  Child support ended two years ago.  So be it.  I was spoiled by my dad as a child and a young adult.  I learned that life holds far more than material things.  Yay, I'm in the middle and gonna be fine.

I stand proud and tall.  I have three beautiful children who are excelling despite the hell they were raised in.  I removed the pic of my ex from this journal as it was inappropriate.  His life is his own choice.  I have no need to think of him or see him.  The kids are adults now and can do as they please as far as their father is concerned.

So below is the gorgeous tag from D that I snagged.  My candle will shine ever so bright so the next generations will live lives far different than the life they grew up in and carry the candle that was lit for them by their mother's example. (Thanks, D!)

   CHRIS

6 Weird Things About Me (0nly 6?)

        

I was tagged by Shelly to list six weird things about me at least a week ago.  Well, my aches and pain were actually me getting sick with ear infections...oh joy.  I'm taking Augmentin and feeling way better so I'm giving it a shot.  6?  I say only 6?  Because, according to my children and others, I'm totally weird...lol.  Do I care?  Nah, it's part of my charm.  And BTW...my vacation over Columbus day...welp this is it, being home sick before Columbus day.

1.  I'm stealing this from Shelly because I've done this like forever and people always comment on it.....I read newspapers and magazines from rear to front....ALWAYS.  I don't have a clue why but I do.

2.  I sleep most every night on the couch and have for a couple of years.  As soon as I lay in bed, I'm wide awake.  I can zonk right out on the couch so why fight it?

3.  When I buy new clothes, I usually forget to take off a lot of the tags.  I don't even notice it until someone points it out to me.  Call me Minnie Pearl.  Yeah...very weird or lazy or a combination of both.

4.  I don't like chocolate stuff at all...no chocolate cake, ice cream, cookies, brownies, doughnuts, etc.  The only chocolate I eat is good, and I mean darned good, boxed chocolate. 

5.  I'm terrified of thunder, lightning and fireworks.  Absolutely phobic about it.  I hate, hate fireworks and plug my ears like a baby.  I do the same with thunder.  Lightning flips me out more and more as I get older.  I couldn't drive in a thunderstorm if I had to now.

6.  And mice....I cannot stand these critters in my house.  I darned near croaked last fall when Mocha, my cat killed one in the basement, and then guarded it for the day after I left for work.  I almost threw up having to scoop it up and get rid of it.  I won't go up in the attic now because we had a squirrel or a mouse last spring in it.  I haven't investigated it enough to find out just what it was.

Now, if I asked my kids about this, I could put down a dozen more.  But I'm not.  I sing in the car at the top of my lungs.  I sing and dance like a fool around the house.  If any of you ever saw the show Bam on MTV, I talk the Don Vito when I get super excited (upset excited).  Grizzly, my dog, and Mocha, my cat, "talk" constantly.  (With the help of Joey and me, so my kid is wierd also.)  Griz and Mocha sing duets to Christmas carols....on and on I could go. (The only problem with the talking dog and cat is they usually forget when Megan has friends over so, her friends think I'm sooooo wierd.)

LOL...back to work I go for one day tomorrow.  I still need to take Tues off to take Grizzly to the vets.  I'm feeling better so I'm hoping this weekend is not a total bust.  I have to get my night of dancing in.

Oh, and I did get my magnets.  My camera batteries died so are in the charger.  I got pics and will put them up in the next entry.  Thanks to Betty, my secret magnet person.  Mine are going out tomorrow to my secret person.  Be patient...I left one at work and couldn't get it all week.  I have the mailer and everything ready to go.....

I'm not tagging anyone for this as it appears most have done it.  Have a wonderful evening!  BTW:  It appears the alerts are acting up again, surprise, surprise?

Chris

 

The Move

       

The move....can we say that everything on my body aches; even my fingers.  Two trucks, five guys, three girls, two women, and 7 hours with numerous truckloads.  My daughter is a packrat and comes by it genetically.  Her father is the king of packrats.  I didn't realize until yesterday that my ex SIL is also.  My FIL was the absolute grandfather of packrats. 

Becky has always hung on to her "treasures."  Being a spatial person, she can load 40 lbs of "doo-doo" in a 2 lb bag.  When she moved into this apt. two years ago, I went over a week later and tossed an enormous amount of stuff which, obviously, just made more space for my child to collect new things.  Overwhelming but I did realize why her aunt hadn't completely moved out....42 enormous plastic containers had been moved; not counting how much was thrown away.  I stayed away for quite a while until I had my anger under control.  Now, I'm glad I did.  Auntie was apologetic and also quite overwhelmed.

I couldn't do much moving because of rotator cuff problems in my right shoulder so I stayed behind and cleaned the apt.  The oven, refrigerator, closets, bathroom...which is why these bones are aching.  Considering the fact that Becky has three cats (hence, the tag at the top), her place was not bad at all; no kitty odor; just dust.  LOL...she mustn't cook much because her oven wasn't bad either.

Miss Megan...now that child is just too much.  Honestly, I don't think she did much of anything except boss the guys around and tell them where to move stuff.  Joey said when he went to take her back to school, she was curled up on Becky's loveseat fast asleep.  And, she dropped the bombshell that she is going to China in May for 3 college credits and had made the first $500 downpayment.  Yikes, $2,700 more she needs.  I told her she will need to have the school add some of that to her loan.  Actually, I think it's a wonderful opportunity for her.

Now, this neighbor or whoever has been helping Becky...ok, I'm very thankful that she did all the things for Becky but......LOL....how do I word this?  The woman got on my nerves sooooooo bad.  Now, I can talk about my kids in a somewhat kidding but negative way, my SIL can, the family can, her friends can but back off lady!  Biotch and moan all day.  No one asked her to do this.  Of course, I can say things sarcastically but they come off in a nice way.  I can't explain it but I can manage to get my point across while the person just looks at me perplexed sort of getting the drift but wondering if they did.  I'm thinking she knew exactly what I was saying.

The three cats.  Ummmmm....Skittsy has been with Becky since I moved here.  Skittsy is a kitty with catitude and lived with us the first year Becky was in college. She drove Griz nuts because she was not one bit afraid of him and tormented him relentlessly. Rosko is Mocha's brother; sweet and timid.  Squeaks...rolf...I'm sorry but nobody likes Squeaks except Becky.  He is the stray Becky took in.  He is actually a beauty but enormous and looks like a female lion.  I was vacuuming.  He flipped out and flew out of the closet at me.  Becky should have called him Squawks.  I never heard a squawk so loud in my life.  He also squawked at the top of his lungs when she put him down in the new place.

Becky is hanging in there.  She was totally overwhelmed and burst into tears several times lamenting the move.  This is her 7th move in 7 years.  She moved twice once in a year.  This wasn't a move she wanted to make.  She looked lost.  I made sure her kitchen stuff, bathroom stuff and bedding was found and put away plus her clothes.  Megan made sure that the furniture was placed properly so Becky could walk around.  I had no strength to drive 45 miles one way today to help with the boxes in her basement.  Mama is going to spend most of her vacation time over Columbus Day helping.

I bought pizza for everybody.  Becky went to Target after I left and church today.  She seemed a little better but it is going to take her time to adjust.  She is so fearful of the difference in the cost.  This house is a bit more than her apt.  The gas bill will also be higher for heat.  I continue to say my prayers that this move was the best but only time will tell.  I'm just praying this doesn't totally affect her studying and school.  Not the best timing for something so major.

I managed to get to Walmart and get my shopping done today.  I was tempted to use one of the motorized wheelchair buggies.  I'm off to soak in the bathtub and give Becky another call.  (Mocha is doing very well with her food from the vet's.  It cost about the same as Eukanuba would have at the store.  Keeping my fingers crossed.)

                                   CHRIS

 

Name this Pup Contest

        

Isn't this just the sweetest puppy?  Love the black on his little nose.  Chelle, The Bag Lady, is having a contest to name this pup...a prize included.

Contest Time For J-Land!!!  <-------  So clicky on this link if you have a name for this sweetie.

My name for the pup is Duke....why....coz I think he is going to grow up and look like Duke on the tv show Dukes of Hazzard.  So, there ya go, Chelle...lol....Duke it is.

I'll be back later to let you know about yesterday.  Right now, even my fingers are sore...lol...and I'm thinking I may be spending another day in Pittsburgh.

I'm still dreaming....dreaming that peace will pervade my valley soon.  I'm thankful that the happenings are minor but piling one upon the other stresses me to no end.  Before I head off on a rant, Shelly's birthday was yesterday.  XX Roxy Mama XX  I meant to put this up yesterday but fell asleep at 9:00.  So stop by and wish her a happy belated birthday....sorry Shelly....Hope you had a wonderful day because you are the best!

I did find my kitty.  She had gotten under Megan's bed on the trundle bed.  I'm not sure how she accomplished this because she is a bit chubby.  Her blood work came back excellent.  She held down food yesterday but this morning she didn't.  I'm stopping at the vet's today to buy some prescription food for sensitive stomachs.  If that doesn't work, an x-ray needs to be taken of her stomach and intestines.  The good thing is she is acting her normal self.  She doesn't appear ill one bit.  I am not saying a word to Megan about this because she will be totally upset.

I did an entry this morning because a fuss has arisen over Becky's move to her aunt's house.  I wish she had gotten the nerve to tell her aunt "no" a month ago when Becky started doubting the validity of the move.

Becky called me Thursday night totally hysterical.  She totally stresses over school; always has.  She has been away from a school atmosphere for 3 years.  Her first test was on Wednesday.  I went through 4 years of undergrad with Becky.  She, for one, does not think she is smart.  She says she "works hard."  Granted, she does.  I'm no dummy but no way could I even begin to work hard and get a bio/chem degree with "only" a 3.89 QPA.  My butt would have been on academic probation in a hot minute.  My point is this child so under estimates everything about herself.  I share the blame with her father for this because I put my blinders on for 17 years of her life as to the damage he was causing to her psyche and soul.

Now the move....I was so blaming Becky for not being prepared.  There is always another side to every story.  Half of her things are in the basement of the house she is moving into.  She had no boxes; she has another sinus infection and no insurance because the University has somehow not transferred her medical insurance from an employee of the school to a working student of the school; she had one major test and three next week.  I read her MySpace blog last night.  My heart was breaking for her.

She called again last night.  A wonderful neighbor lady had gone and gotten her boxes, came over and packed her kitchen things and all the stuff she had needed to use during the week.  When they went to my ex SIL's house to unpack the things and put them away, nothing, and I mean, NOTHING has been moved out of that house.  The closests and cabinets are still filled with her aunt's things.  The new hubby has a house that they were going to move into last weekend but never did.  Becky has to be out of her apt. today and have it cleaned.  My solution, which Becky won't take, was to move everything back to her apt., renew her lease, as her apt. hasn't been rented, and say "Sorry, but I just can't afford the house or afford to lose anymore time for my studies with this move."

My BF suggested that I intercede.  Oy vay, I think I best keep my mouth shut because my temper will flare with this one.  I'm leaving soon for Becky's.  Let me tell you, I'm more than half tempted to start moving things back to Becky's old apt.  Becky is still young and hasn't learned the art of saying "no."  She didn't want to upset her aunt before the wedding by saying she wasn't moving so now she's in a total mess.  I'm trying to be nice here but my ex SIL just got married for the first time at 49 and for lack of better terms is most definitely set in her ways, if you catch my drift.

Becky tried to tell her it wasn't going to work out.  Her dad set the stage for that one but she got "the look" and backed off.  She didn't want to cause her aunt stress before the wedding.

My car needs a sensor replaced again.  An ERG or something like that.  It's an emissions sensor that serves no purpose but won't pass inspection that Pa. has yearly.  It was replaced once about three years ago.  My inspection is in Feb. The mechanic at the place Joey used to work let Joey put the car on the computer.  He told Joey to take it off and clean it.  Joey can replace it but it costs a couple of hundred for the part.  They said it causes no damage to the car at all; just won't stop emissions into the atmosphere.  Sorry guys, but right now I could give a rat's behind about that.

Wish me luck....lol....and Lord help me to watch my words. 

  CHRIS

Thanks to Shelly for the tag.  I can't describe my mood; mysterious even to me. 

We've had some beautiful 75 degree days since Saturday until the chilly rain blew through today.  The car problems continue to mount.  Indecisions as to what to do because right now there is nothing left for the tiniest car payment.  I'm on a wing and prayer at this point in time.

My biggest concern has been Megan's kitty, Mocha.  She suffers from hairballs frequently but on Saturday started a dry hack that lasted for minutes and minutes on end.  It sounds like a normal hairball "choke" but then progressed to an awful hacking sound.  She has continued doing this off and on without actually letting out the dreaded hairball.

I called the vet today and came home after half a day to take her.  All appears very good from initial tests.  Of course, the full work up of blood and urine was done.  And....$177.00 later out the door I walk.   I will know tomorrow if the labwork is fine.  Then it's x-rays.  Grizzly needs a liver profile done over the Columbus Day weekend because of the phenobarb he takes for seizures so I'm reeling over here because he will also have to be sedated to get his claws trimmed plus his regular shots and Heartgard.  I'm thankful right now I only have two pets.

Mocha got in the house and went and hid.  Now I'm worried because I can't find her.  I gave Becky back the extra kitty carrier so Mocha had a velcro leash thing still attached to her when she scooted.  I've checked all her hiding places.  I'm worried that she's caught on something with that darned leash.  Joey and I have searched high and low for her.

I'm definitely taking the day after Columbus Day off and half a day next Friday.  I have vacation time building each pay period so I'm going to take advantage of it.

LOL...so what do I do when I'm frustrated and worried...throw myself into the Paint Shop and try new things.  Talk about frustrating myself even further.

I fell asleep during the last half hour of Dancing with the Stars so tried to catch up on what I missed last night.  I then watched Terry Irwin, Steve Irwin's wife, and her interview with Barbara Walters.  Wow, what a tear jerker that was.

I'm off to the basement to search for Mocha.  Almost an impossibility to find her down there normally.

I'm working my way around the journals again.  I never seem to stay caught up but hooray...the weekend is coming and my gypsy daughter, Becky, is moving again on Saturday.  I think she has enough help because my shoulder is bothering me and my one hip is acting up.  Oh the joys of aging...lol

Have a good one all! My poor traumatized kitty....she was not a happy camper.

 

CHRIS

 

Well, I'll be Darned.....

      

LOL...I had so much time on my hands yesterday and actually got to visit journals.  I was just flipping through my list and hit Penny's journal  Penny`s Pieces of Ohio.  Lo and behold, I see this darling little creation.  Of course, I don't notice the little Penny in the corner and curious me....I just have to know where it came from.  It seems my Penny has been hiding a talent from all of us.  She actually created this freehand in some paint program which is on her computer.  Now, isn't this just the cutest thing???

Of course, me being the shy one I am (not), I had to ask her if she had a blank one because I just had to have one.  Penny was so sweet and actually made me one even though she didn't save a blank.  (Penny, ya better start saving blanks because I see a new budding artist in the making and lots of requests.)

As you can tell, it really doesn't take a whole lot to get me totally excited.  The best is yet to come....Penny made me another one.  I'm loving it.  Way to go, Penny.  Get that copyright really quickly.

So, without further adieu...presenting Penny's second creation below....BIG HUGS to Penny!