Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Funny how things can change in a day.  Easter was such a beautiful and blessed day.  Megan got a ride back with her old BF, Mike.  They have remained best of friends.  He goes to the same college.   He IM'd her Sunday night.  She was so afraid to ask him.  I'm not sure why but she didn't have to.  She just mentioned she had no way back, and he offered.  I knew he would.  Now, I am smiling....Mike was her first love and dumped her when he went off to college for another girl.  He has since gone through a few girlfriends.  Yet, they always hang out with each other platonically and cry on each other's shoulders.  There are some real feelings there.  Her friends at school are always asking why they aren't back together.  They crack me up...both her and Mike say it's just too "complicated."

I've been avoiding my journal for a couple of days hoping I would snap out of my unhappiness.  I am so unhappy with work.  I've been bomarded with more folders to review than I can begin to keep up with and have had more duties added.  All I am going to say about this right now is an old saying my mother drilled into my head...."Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?."  I have a far more graphic phrase that I use for this situation but won't in my journal.  The paw is getting very close to begin raised but I have to think this out carefully and pray about it.  I'm am very tired of having my vast array of knowledge tapped into continuously without a hint of recognition.  There is a survey team visiting this week from DC.  Of course, I was picked for one of the focus groups to meet with them because of my knowledge and use of these systems.  Nuff said.  I need this job because of my the continuation of Joey on my health insurance.

The weather is lovely here.  The bus ride home last night was awful.  I spent over an hour on that darned bus.  It was like being baked alive. The heat was stuck in the "on" position.  Everybody was drained by the time we got off.  I came home and just died on the couch.  Not the best ending for two days of hellacious work.  I'm trying not to think of what my area will look like after a day off today.

My BF is off using sick leave.  He hadn't intended on doing this word...ugly.  I'm scratching my head here wondering how things have gotten so ugly these past few months.  I have to keep reminding myself continuously that behind every folder is a face who needs the benefits of the agency.

On a brighter note, I love my new phone.  I still haven't been able to transfer the pics because I haven't had time to go back to the store.  It's only a couple of miles away.  The guy who changed the phones for me has the same one.  I'm not sure if I'll have time today or not.  I'm getting my hair cut this evening and looking for some art to put on the wall above my tv. 

My friend at work, Donna, has worked with me for years.  She is one of my closest friends.  She only works two days a week.  On our afternoon break yesterday, we were goofing around with my phone taking pics of each other.  A little spot of brightness.  We were cracking up and just snapping away.  LOL..the only thing is we forgot to save them.  I'll have to do some next week again.

So, my final conclusion today is that I have to throw this to the Lord.  I keep throwing it up and waiting for an answer that seems to be wait.  What I'm waiting for, I have no idea.  I do know that I played a hand in where I'm at today because of my lack of focus years ago.  And then, I look at the smiling faces of my three children and know that it was well worth the sacrifice.  I have no career but I do consider myself a great success in raising my three beautiful, loving children.  In the total scheme of my life, that was my goal......

(I did watch American Idol last night.  I have to say that Miss Kat blew my socks off.)



sugarsweet056 said...

Keep faith, believe, & pray! It'll all work it's self out, may take a while, & may not be exactly as you hoped, but God will answer your prayers!

chat2missie said...

I do hope you break out of your down mood.   If I were there, I'd get you out of your funk!! Have a good day.

jeadie05 said...

Sorry your feeling so down about things ,they will work out though ,maybe not quite as you expect ,but every thing happens for a reason even though we dont see it at the time ,Thankyou for my graphic apple I used it on my journal yeterday did you see it ?with love and keep your chin up ......Jan xx

pennietoonz said...

Chris, first off I have to say, your journal looks terrific. I ove the animated fountain! I`m so soryy to hear about work. I have been in that same situation and it just seems like there is no way out at times. Then again, these things do go through phases, so I`m hoping it will pass. Just keep praying, my dear friend.
You crack me`re just about ready to show the paw. LOL!!
I hope the rest of the week gets better. Enjoy your day off!! :0)
Love and hugs,

njmom72 said...

Hi hun, I know what you mean about "where I'm at today because of my lack of focus years ago"..I am the exact same way! But now I am determined to first off get my physical problems taken care of, then I'm going back to school. I feel proud and happy that I am able to stay home with my kids now that they are little, and am excited to be able to further myself as they are getting older. :-)

~ Susan

lanurseprn said...

Sorry to hear work is so tough.  Seems like there are times in life we feel so trapped.  I hate that feeling.  There are times, being a nurse, that I sometimes can't give the quality of patient care I'd like to due to reasons out of my control.  I have to remind myself "I can only be as good a nurse and the facility allows me to be."  Sometimes they bombard us with extra duties and paperwork, all of which take us away from the patients.  It's crazy!  Say some prayers and try to take it easy.

jckfrstross said...

I am sorry work sucks so bad:( Good idea to leave it with God he will take care of you:) you know its bad where i work also so don't feel bad ok


debbiewebb4465 said...

Hi Chris, I'm sorry you're having a hard time at work hon, it must be getting to you ~ raise that paw girl LOL  Glad you are having fun with your new phone ~ we have great fun with ours taking pics ~ especially when there's nothing on the telly LOL :-) Talking of pics you've always got Vin ~ he might raise a smile <wink,wink>
lots of love always
Debbie ~xxxxxxxx~

kdcutie26 said...

I am sorry you are down in the dumps Miss Chris.  I am too.  We can be miserable together.  What would I do with out you.

bmorrrick said...

I'm sorry things haven't gone well of late, hopefully it will get better soon.  I think your idea of leaving it to God is a good one, I'm sure you'll get your answers in due time.  I wanted to tell you I think your journal is absolutely beautiful!!  I love your color choices and are so very talented!  And one of those sweet people who is so generous and shares her talent with others.  Thank you so much for everything!!


sazzylilsmartazz said...

I think it's awesome that your daughter and her b/f stayed friends after the breakup. I wish that could have happened with my ex but it didn't work out that way.
You do deserve recognition at work ~ even if you have to fight to get it. So, go for it girl. My mom is having it rough at her job after 18 years. She's afraid she's going to get laid off but she's really invaluable. They wouldn't be able to replace her. Go figure.
Best of luck to you.

am4039 said...

I sure hope you cheer up.

queenb8261 said...

So sorry you are down Chris.  I come to my journal and whine and complain all the time.  Ya know when you are down we are here for you.  We will be your sounding board.K? Things will turn around soon.  I just know it.  
We've been hot here until today.  It was in the 90s for a while (too early for that) and back down in the 70s today.  Yeah.  A chance of rain too!  Sounds like Megan & Mike have the best kind of love....friendship.  That's all they need right now, right?   I think it is so cool that they have that after being in a relationship.  Well heads up.  I think tomorrow will be a bright sunshiny day. (Hmmm sounds like song lyrics to me!) LOLOL

shayshaydc said...

I am still hoping and praying that a great job will come along!!!!! Hang in there!!!!

dwhee70041 said...

Chris,  Wishing you happy thoughts and smiles.  David

djohn52 said...

Awww Chris, I'm sorry.  I can so relate.  I hated to leave where I had worked for 13 years, but things were just not the same.  Now nothing compares--the salary--or the type of work.  I hope you find something after this that you really enjoy.  I can't find anything I want to do except Oasis. Just wish I could build it faster to equal my paycheck at ITT.  Darrell says not to worry, we'll make it on his, and anything I make will just be gravy.  Just wish that gravy bowl wasn't so big? lol

Take Care...You are in our prayers!