Funny how things can change in a day.  Easter was such a beautiful and blessed day.  Megan got a ride back with her old BF, Mike.  They have remained best of friends.  He goes to the same college.   He IM'd her Sunday night.  She was so afraid to ask him.  I'm not sure why but she didn't have to.  She just mentioned she had no way back, and he offered.  I knew he would.  Now, I am smiling....Mike was her first love and dumped her when he went off to college for another girl.  He has since gone through a few girlfriends.  Yet, they always hang out with each other platonically and cry on each other's shoulders.  There are some real feelings there.  Her friends at school are always asking why they aren't back together.  They crack me up...both her and Mike say it's just too "complicated."

I've been avoiding my journal for a couple of days hoping I would snap out of my unhappiness.  I am so unhappy with work.  I've been bomarded with more folders to review than I can begin to keep up with and have had more duties added.  All I am going to say about this right now is an old saying my mother drilled into my head...."Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?."  I have a far more graphic phrase that I use for this situation but won't in my journal.  The paw is getting very close to begin raised but I have to think this out carefully and pray about it.  I'm am very tired of having my vast array of knowledge tapped into continuously without a hint of recognition.  There is a survey team visiting this week from DC.  Of course, I was picked for one of the focus groups to meet with them because of my knowledge and use of these systems.  Nuff said.  I need this job because of my the continuation of Joey on my health insurance.

The weather is lovely here.  The bus ride home last night was awful.  I spent over an hour on that darned bus.  It was like being baked alive. The heat was stuck in the "on" position.  Everybody was drained by the time we got off.  I came home and just died on the couch.  Not the best ending for two days of hellacious work.  I'm trying not to think of what my area will look like after a day off today.

My BF is off using sick leave.  He hadn't intended on doing this but......one word...ugly.  I'm scratching my head here wondering how things have gotten so ugly these past few months.  I have to keep reminding myself continuously that behind every folder is a face who needs the benefits of the agency.

On a brighter note, I love my new phone.  I still haven't been able to transfer the pics because I haven't had time to go back to the store.  It's only a couple of miles away.  The guy who changed the phones for me has the same one.  I'm not sure if I'll have time today or not.  I'm getting my hair cut this evening and looking for some art to put on the wall above my tv. 

My friend at work, Donna, has worked with me for years.  She is one of my closest friends.  She only works two days a week.  On our afternoon break yesterday, we were goofing around with my phone taking pics of each other.  A little spot of brightness.  We were cracking up and just snapping away.  LOL..the only thing is we forgot to save them.  I'll have to do some next week again.

So, my final conclusion today is that I have to throw this to the Lord.  I keep throwing it up and waiting for an answer that seems to be wait.  What I'm waiting for, I have no idea.  I do know that I played a hand in where I'm at today because of my lack of focus years ago.  And then, I look at the smiling faces of my three children and know that it was well worth the sacrifice.  I have no career but I do consider myself a great success in raising my three beautiful, loving children.  In the total scheme of my life, that was my goal......

(I did watch American Idol last night.  I have to say that Miss Kat blew my socks off.)

                 CHRIS