Betrayal

Betrayal....what an ugly word.  Deception causes betrayal.  Boy, when you realize the knife was stuck in the back, it's a killer.  I've always been loyal and lead my life free of agendas....at least agendas that will cause pain and strife to others.

I hesitate to discuss my place of employment.  Right now, I really don't care. 

First, my BF walked out yesterday after 38 years handing in his retirement papers.  Ultimate betrayal.  This man has devoted his life to serving veterans, of which he is one (he served in Vietnam; his brother was killed in Vietnam).  He has had a hugely successful career, being recognized by our Central Office quite frequently.  His problem is he is retirement age and has the years in.  His major problem in the eyes of management was that he was still there past retirement age and time.  Many are going through this.

In his frustration, anger, etc., he told me something I knew in my heart but did not want to hear.  He knew exactly why I didn't get the promotion a couple of months ago.  My supervisor sat in a room and totally destroyed me to the new managers.  Said I was disorganized, needed supervision for everything, was not capable of performing the job up for promotion, etc.  None of this is true at all.  Her agenda....there would be no one that could replace me.  I've had many helpers who can't cut it or learn what I do.  How does one look themselves in the mirror each morning after they lie about somebody's performance?  How do they come into work day after day and implore this person to help them with things they don't know but should know as a supervisor?  And, how do I handle this?  I am dying again inside.  I've bent over backwards and taken on far more than I should because no one else seems to be able to grasp it.  I'm so ready to just shut down and do only what is expected of my grade level.

I'm praying fervently about this.  I will never, ever get promoted as long as I have the same supervisor and the same managers remain.  The damage is done.  There is a VA hospital two miles from my house.  I'm planning on checking into a lateral position at the same grade to get my foot in that door and my butt out of the old one.  The time has come to remove myself also from this cesspool.  I'm struggling with why the Lord let this happen although I realize He is not responsible for the free will of others.  I'm struggling with bitterness again.  I'm struggling with going into work tomorrow and keeping my mouth shut.  Someday, somehow, the right words will come out in just the right way.  This person will at least know that nothing is sacred and everybody finds out eventually what has been said.  I wil forgive but not forget.

Thanks for listening......CHRIS