Disappointments are some of the bitterest pills to swallow....the bigger the disappointment; the harder it is to get a grip on.
This week has been frustrating but frustrations are short-lived and most times easily solved. Disappointment, on the other hand, will eat you and consume you unless you call upon the Lord to help you accept and release.
I haven't said anything about this because I've learned that many times things do not turn out the way we would like them to. There was a huge upward mobility promotion at my job. The last one was in '97 and I was working part time and couldn't apply. Of course, this time I did. And, for some reason not chosen, although I have the most experience doing the job than the two chosen. In fact, I have been training the one girl chosen to do the job she was promoted to before this (I didn't get that one either) because she just doesn't know how to navigate the applications.
OK...nuff said....who knows why some are chosen and some arent. This would have been a huge financial gain for me and taken me out of the robbing Peter to pay Paul life I lead now. But....and this is the honest truth...if God had intended for me to have that job, I'd be celebrating right now. No one can begin to alter the strength of the Lord.
Of course, I'm licking my wounds, tears have fallen, and it's so very, very difficult to watch two others being hugged and celebrating about something I dearly wanted.
Money is not everything. The new job is totally loaded with stress and very strictly monitorred production levels. My job right now is a job I can handle on my own. My helper had to take a disability retirement. I accept many new challenges that are above my grade level because it makes the day go faster but I have a pace established and work on my own. Plus, my supervisor is very liberal about my using my vacation time when emergencies arise. My conclusion is that the stress at this point in my life of the new job may have been far too much. These were thoughts that were going through my mind before the announcements were made yesterday.
My BF, God Bless him, was still ill last night but decided I needed to get out and refocus, which I've done. He works with me and said that this is management's stupidity (maybe); not mine. I was just feeling like such a loser. So, now that all is said and done, I hugged and congratulated the two that got promoted and held my head high. Two guys totally flipped and left for the day. Life moves on. I still have a job that provides, much love in my life, and dear friends in J-Land who provide so much support and encouragement. HUGS and LOVE to all of you!!!!!!!! CHRIS