Ok....so I've been looking back over my journal and I tend to be goofy and funny and that's ok. I've always been the clown who loves to make people laugh. And....I like to avoid things. Just shove them in the closet until the door bursts open...literally and figuratively.
I have another upper respiratory infection and don't feel well...once again. I am also addicted to a powerful drug.....namely....nicotine. Nicotine won't kill you....it's the tar and other crap in cigarettes that will. Nicotine just keeps calling you back. My son is the only child of mine that also smokes. He has been hypnotized, used the patch, accupuncture...it all works for a day or two but Mama still puffs and he ends up starting again.
My girls beg me to quit. My oldest is in the medical field and sends me literature and pictures of lungs that are so graphically disgusting and yet I puff away. I take care of every other aspect of my health in my life but this one. This one I have been shoving into my closet until the latest VIVI Awards. My closet door won't close anymore thanks to the journal of Pamela. It's a beautiful journal and a testimony but it scares the crap out of me. I have it on my favorites places. I've deleted it and put it back there so many times in the past two days. Pamela is blocking my closet door.
Why? Because Pamela has put a face on an ugly disease that nicotine makes us want to deny.
I bought the strongest patch today to ward off the nicotine cravings and have a prescription for Wellbutrin. Wednesday, my birthday, is my target day.
If I am successful this time, my children will owe this all to the beautiful Pamela.